So, today's no 'special date' of sorts that'd influence in me in replacing my soon already 3 months, again, outdated last entry of sorts and perhaps for the first time since... forever, I believe (
), you actually don't have to fear an overdragging and overall "empty" entry of sorts as I feel like trying out something different for once - that and me not expecting in receiving much feedback upon it either way, for more or less understandable reasons.
Anyway, in regards to the actual update-part
of sorts here, things scream the same cringey routine of sorts as most other cases in the past, save for mostly 'minor'
exceptions - those, in overall, being (new ones to be written like this
1. My 'headquarters'
still remaining unchanged - definitely a bothersome problem in not being able setting up all of my proper equipment back to properly work with coloring-programs and the like, again (at least I would still remain on drawing-practice so as to not loose it as well, in the process) and actually improve for a good deal, in the meantime) - but for many a reason/requiremnent yet to be met (the latter making much more sense in the following point), it's tolerable for me for the time being
2. Still jobless - in regards to a 'real' one, I mean, not my side-job of sorts where the earnings in question happen to be, but a complete joke when it comes to 'self-sustainment' - but at least regardlessly secured through my continued studies for the time being (this, however, truly to become a problem when being done in about 2 years time now once being done and me not managing solving this issue of sorts 'til then... but I guess as well 'tolerable' for now
3. Still tinkering on with many a project - definitely my big 'writing task' I prominently mentioned in most recent journal entries (which I hope to definitely be able in solving for good this year - even better if within the next months ahead, but well...
) - but also a good deal of ones behind the shadows, but their features never to be unveiled unless looking carefully around (or, in many a case, such as only prominently doing now with
, me actually 'allowing' the showcase of such involvements on my end, ultimately)
4. My overall emotional-developements of sorts having mostly improved in regards to past ailings and the like (= overcome the overall deal with my deceased loved ones of sorts (or, more accurate here, actually, having rather grown/feeling quite 'indifferent'
about the entire ordeal nowadays
5. Me about to lose my current side-job of sorts towards the end of this month - this one, however, I'm not feeling much concerned about it as, again, payment really was one big joke, even for certain standarts and against all ultimately contributed within same one in great contrast towards same 'payment' then (of course this being a generally accepted circumstance nowadays, but in this case actually managing in being much worse so than the norm, in the end ).
And while no new alternative has yet risen nor me actually having given much thought about it yet, at least, in regards to my studies, I've managed securing a longer-based internship program of sorts within local press
within close radius of my home town around summer for about 3 months then (certainly no no-name brand either, actually, if applied towards the entire federal state of my home country of sorts).
At least, having already managed manefesting some well connections within same one, partially even long beforehand, I may actually receive a good chance securing some good ties within then which perhaps could even serve as ultimate solution towards many of afromentioned issues earlier and bring me closer towards realizing my utmost aspirations of mine (of course not going too much ahead of myself there, but at least dreams still remain ours to keep and perhaps even fulfill if granted the right opportunity at the right time
Well, that's about that section - and actually longer, again, than anticipated, forgive me that one folks.
Actually, though, even if supposed to be mostly content with the way things are supposedly working within my inner sanctums of sorts in real live and the like I yet can't help myself, but feeling quite down - actually depressed, again, actually => hence this entire 2nd half supposedly coming to serve as very section of sorts where I actually need to vent off of some things coming almost close to a seemingly long built up 'rant' of sorts - but, again, only close
I don't know why this currently happens to be the case - whenever it's because of much stress and tensions lately having had (and still have) to help my boss in the moving process of changing headquarters for many (= financial
) a reason (even partially playing into things in general) or some sort of late 'winter depression'
of sorts - I don't know, but currently, things are just this bothersome for me in general - but rather mostly directed within my current stand of 'relationships' of sorts.
Of course I've certainly have to blame myself as well in regards to here - the DA-World - in regards to such out of having become so consumed within my still left open 'scores' to solve that I still happen to largely neglect keeping up in touch with most of same ones around here - if at least not as
bad as past years have been, but still so - while in regards towards the real world, this would only come to take place out of my 'upbringings' of sorts having ultimately hampered my ability in increasing and subsequent retainment of same ones in the long run, then.
But even so... Dormnant states. Rendered (too) sick. Occupied otherwise. Unresponsive messages to the point of feeling ghosted
, if not outright so.
I dunno, but at the moment I do feel kinda 'ill' of sorts - 'ill' of loneliness
that is. Normally, this wouldn't bother me as much for many a reason. It wouldn't even surprise me if this would all turn out to be just a phase yet again, with me to ultimately regret bringing it up within a few days/weeks or so, then.
But still, as of recently, it feels anything, but so, especially in such an seemingly ever increasing crazy and disconnecting world (but perhaps I'm not the only one feeling like such at the moment? Would be nice if it were to be acknowledged then) .
At the moment I certain can't help myself, but actually hate
this very month right now.
But well, I guess that's mostly about it for now, so... dunno how things may continue from here.