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Well, how'd you know? Six journal entries in a row in just a little of a week now (seven counting this one now). Given my especially spare activity in past months/years or so, that surely must be a record now. ^^;

Though I guess you could also consider it cheating at the same time, since 5 had been going on about the same thing, so, presuming that's only countable as one, this would make it the 3rd entry in such short time now - but then still even moreso than my normal ratio.

What goes for said latest entries, I once more wanted to apologize for the rather roughly wrapped up last entry of same series. I know it to be unfair to you and perhaps I should've invested some more time into it, after all. Then again, while not excusing things, it might still be for the better, seeing how I didn't intent to ruin anyone's fun doing these in the first place as well as fitting in not giving too much away at same ending then following my oh so often brought up reason of.... nope, no, not this time. This time I'll spare you of that bad meme of sorts, I guess that point should've been made across long by now and it's stopped being funny already 3 parts ago or so. :facepalm:


Anyway, part of the reason I did fasten up same summarization at the end of the previous part happens to be based on having direly wanted to move on to this differing entry of sorts before it's too late. Still not excusing things, I know, but at least done for good reason as you're about to see.



Now then, this happens to be a real ominous topic I happen to bring up, for it happens to be right around the corner and which I happen to find... 'concerning' at best, but dangerous at worst - to the point that, if no action is done in that direction, it could perhaps spell the end of deviantart, the entire internet the way we've come to know (and love? ^^; ) over the decades.

What I'm rambling on about, you may wonder?

Why I'm talking about the next Sopa/Pipa soon on the rise that may as well soon emerge from here - having it's origins not in the US this time, true, but no less threatening either.

Before you may rebuff me for seemingly causing rucus to no apparant good reason, especially if it's supposedly not concerning many people found on large parts of the remaining globe, please hear me out:

In less than 2 days, the European Parliament's gonna assemble to the subject of many topics - one of them being a complete overhaul of long-existing, but meanwhile out-dated copyright laws to be matched to modern standarts and to ultimately be enforced within the entire EU - this case being known as the Copyright Directive.

While a general overhaul of an over a decade's old law in itself is not a bad thing and somewhat begrudgingly a necessity in the long run, the way European lawmakers have now come up with a revision of same one can truly become a threat towards the internet's very fundamentalities in many ways.

The very axis of this entire newfound revision in that case happens to lie within the internally dreaded and somewhat infamous 'Article 13' of same draft to be voted about in EU Parliament on 20th of June.

Said article, simply put, will hold websites and online platforms providing and sharing content at much greater liability to survey their content provided within or through its users and filter same ones to the dangers of facing great penalities if not doing so.

This in turn means stricter monitorings, controls and selectivities of content shared and/or uploaded through same sites or users, needing to undertake greater measures in weighing up what's supposedly copyrighted content now or not - all having greater amounts of deletions and censorships way beyond your average takedowns of illegal movie streams and the like meanwhile found en más on the internet as a result.

And yes, because of websites' and online platform's very existences to the likes of YouTube, Google, Twitter and, yes, deviantart, among many other, this will also affect you, the average user.

For one thing, if the vote's greenlighted, unhampered sharing and providing of information like newsportals and the like will become much more difficult, bearing the same meanings to the likes of censorship while, in that same vein, users and indepentend producers are gonna find themselves way harder times coming up with new content without it running danger of facing deletion without consent, independent of originality. Even a simple act of just sharing links can suddenly become a really hard problem that way, then.

However, what goes for details regarding those consequences if said law's approved the way it is now, I'll refrain from further trying to explain here as some of those very aspects included within the sources I'm about to share with you happen to do a way better job of explaining those very factors than I ever could, honestely. ^^;

Still, what I can basically say here is that if said law - and with that, that very ominous Article 13 - is ultimately passed, we, as an internet-community, will effectively find ourselves in an unescapable trap full of restrictions, monitoring, full-blown control and censorship to the likes of already (and sadly enough) greatly excercised measures found in a good deal of other countries around the globe, if not somewhat worse, then.

True, especially adressing Non-Europeans with this now, it may not immediately affect you in best case, but even if not so, will not mean you'll be spared in any way for long as such an act can and will most likely be copied over and then be applied through your (individual/other) government as well then - again, not so unlike earlier mentioned Sopa and Pipa cases fought against so many times before.

And if, alongside many experts, human rights activits and other opponnents, the very pioneers of the web happen to disapprove of same law/article and subsequently stand up against the very ones about to abolish it, it should tell you a great deal about how bad this truly happens to be.

It's already bad enough that, in case of America, they find themselves under dictatorship from cable companys now scaming them of their hard-earned money through otherwise censoring websites, and slowing down online content. Don't let the same happen to the very foundations of the world-wide web.

I plead with - no, I beg you, even if you're not from Europe:

Don't let the hype of the World Soccer Cup deceive and distract you from parliament about to once more abuse this situation to use for their own ends. Don't sit back and just hope for things to solve themselves, 'cause they won't and that's - among other things - the very thing that'd ultimately lead towards the earlier mentioned cable company fiasco.

Stand up and fight!

I know you think it's not your fight or that adding your vote's not gonna change anything. I can understand you, I used to think the same way for quite some time even in my early adulthood-years.

And on one hand I find myself hypocritical now for investing so much time and effort doing this now - speaking up and warning about such a thing now - when I supposedly never did the same towards Sopa and Pipa or even especially earlier named cable-company disaster when they still were relevant and I apologize for same hypocrisy. I'm sorry, I really am - and in hindsight, I deeply regret that now.

But this is not about personal past mistakes and the like (though I'll regardlessly accept any accusiations thrown in my direction to that end), but about a fight for our very future (within the web that is, if not any less significant than if we'd have to carry on the battle within the 'real world') - and this is something we, as a united force can and will do!

Give your vote, stand up and fight! Don't let this menace threaten to restrict and dictate your very lives even more than already the case, you still have a voice and a choice!

And the way you can ultimately help is all ultimately findable here alongside many other informations regarding this overall problem:

www.consilium.europa.eu/media/… - the entire Interinstitutional File containing the exact wording of Article 13 within

act1.openmedia.org/savethelink - further websites containing infos and instructions of how you can ultimately help influence the preventation of this very event

Again, this is a serious issue that can affect the many of you without kidding. Many good friends of mine around here i.e. that happen to (largely) make a living out of their (transformation-based/otherwise) content and already having to struggle with occassional takedowns of their works (though I'll purposely not name who I'm referring to here out of respect; though in case you - the person in question - happens to read this, neither would I exploit your case for this entire campaign now nor was this planned; all the same though, I'm yet once more sorry that you ultimately had to take down your works, in the end :no: ) - their very existences can ultimately be threatened through such a thing. Youtubers, deviants and independent creators may befall this fate themselves. Memes and parodies, unhampered creating and sharing and independent research and receiving information, they all may become a thing of the past.

But not on the 20th! You still have a voice and a choice! Use it! Stand up and fight! Don't let this evil take you down! You still have the power to change the feature! United! Together! 

We can make this happen!




*Sigh*, ok, I'll rest my case now. But once more, beware those warnings, they may be crucial for our all lives.


Ok, Pat out...

https://www.saveyourinternet.eu/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/LetMeShare.png

  • Listening to: various
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*Warning, heavy spoilers ahead, read at your own risk continued from the previous two parts onward*

Well, at last this happens to be the final part of this overall short-lived series for real now. Especially after Germany's somewhat embarassing performance within its Soccer World Cup match today, I really need something to refocus attention on - and what better than doing and finishing this for real?

Again, not wanting to hold off things this long now, but to still being able in keeping up with this and in case of you freshly joining over here, you may first start with previous parts so as to not find yourself too confused in what's going to pass here - said parts ultimately findable here:


Kingdom Hearts 3: Plot - Part I (Aquanort + Other)*Warning, heavy spoilers ahead, read at your own risk*
Alright, friends, as promised (somewhat), starting today I'll begin letting you in on Kingdom Hearts 3's plot as far as this timeline's amount of information revealed so far ultimately happens to allow - you know, following most recent explanations on why doing so fully now could have disastrous consequences otherwise - aka

and, following that, we "can't have [us] causing any temporal paradoxes", after all. :rofl:
Well, since seemingly only little amount of people showed actual interest in me doing this (seriously would've wished at least a few more voting on my poll telling of this, but nope not going down that path, again :shrug: ), I'm gonna do this in a more restraint summarized manner now than what I originally had in mind (though considering my still not overcome overblowing-tendencies grinding much on people's nerves, I guess that's for the better :shrug: ).
Also, to at least ease thin
Kingdom Hearts 3: Plot - Part II (Continued)*Warning, heavy spoilers ahead, read at your own risk, latestely here*
Alright friends, after a brief pause following a strong headache and quick recovery through sleep, it's here now I'll continue with where I left off the day before (or rather those 13-14 hours since having released the previous entry by the time I'm publishing this ^^; ). For those who haven't read the previous entry as of yet, you may find it here:

And while afromentioned first part would mainly focus on backgrounds leading into KH3 in lights of what initial factors would play into Aqua ultimately being corrupted enough to the point of allowing Xehanort effectively possessing her within same main game now instead of previously proclaimed pre-established plot-summary, this very part happens to be the real deal now, a true outlook what's going to happen in KH3 as far as current stands of time happen to allow following way earlier explanations upon the matter
Kingdom Hearts 3: Plot - Part III (The Real-Deal)*Warning, heavy spoilers ahead, read at your own risk truly here now*


Alright, the title basically says it all. This part now will serve as very closure of this rather short-lived 'field trip'/'side project' of sorts and finally bring up how KH3's plot's going to pass, ultimately.
And in reflections to that I once more apologize for that unexpected final delay on my end out of having had to cover up many things in advance in order for you to have a better understanding of how things are ultimately linking themselves together in same ultimate plot now - at least all I could so far as there still happen to be some elements additionally to be closer looked into here and then, but mostly all straightforward and to the point from here on.
Well, that said, bringing up my previously introduced list found in the preceeding part, we now happen to find ourselves at this very point now:
2. Main Plot of KH3


2.1. First half
2.2. Second half
Kingdom Hearts 3: Plot - Part IV (Real Continued)*Warning, heavy spoilers ahead, read at your own risk continued from the previous part onward*



Alright, another split, another break and that after what, 4-5 hours of sleep out of a bad stomach now shortly after a heavy headache the previous 1-2 days before? Seriously, I must come up with a flu or something, dunno. :shrug:
Anyway, it's not my personal bullsh*t you're here for (or at all, dunno really ^^; ), so let's not dwell on that and wrap up what I still couldn't match within the previous part and hopefully finalize things for real here (yeah, this is definitely going to be the final part for real now).
So, the 'day before' I already started to tap a bit into KH3's actual plot, having started over with Olympus Coliseum up to the point where Yen Sid would sent out Sora, Donald and Goofy for their new quest to supposedly seek out the "Key to Return Hearts" among other helpful elements for their inevitable final clash against Xehanort and his Organization.
This

with this very part going to sum up what's still left open of KH3's very plot now alongside the clearance of one final big matter at hand, said one being

- how Ventus ultimately happens to end up as member of Xehanort's Organization, after all

as brought up way back in Part I of this overall series of sorts.

So, with that said I'll once more continue indulging you with same plot now in lights of this timeline's amount of information already shared with you thus for reasons brought up here

I apparantly 'did a thing' - Me and Kingdom Heartsor, alternatively... "I am a time traveler!"


Good day, friends. This journal - as you can see - is gonna be quite different from many past ones - a surely refreshing experience for once for the many of you as for me, though this admittably still remains something of an unusual course for me to sail through.
In fact, I normally wouldn't even do this - at least talking about something so 'casual' in my eyes when it comes towards my connections/experiences with the Kingdom Hearts series (at least not anymore for quite some years now for many a reason).
This one, however, I really feel the need to return the call, especially since it indirectly happens to concern me this time around - that and many people having come towards me and inquiring me about it leading towards doing this now.
And since I've been reminded time and time, again about my too long-getting journals - also with special thanks towards an equally special friend on this one - from here o


(alright by this point even I happen to grow bored by the repition of this very phrase now; but again, not wanting to discontinue this tradition so close to the end now, so... ^^; )



Though before I may officially do so now, there happens to be, but one one final instance I accidentally would come to sweep under the carpet out of having had so much to include within the previous part, so please forgive that faux pas of sorts - said one having been the dropping of the entire circumstance regarding Roxas's resolved retrieval on Sora's end despite said one being an important plot-point in overall:

To keep that one short so as to quickly move on with newfound plot-developements, during the first venture throughout the worlds, SDG would respectively also stop by in Twilight Town and later on Radiant Garden as definitely known by this point now, with them coming to retrieve data with helps of the Twilight Town gang (thought not without them encountering Ansem and Xemnas first among other during their process towards the mansion eager to manipulate Sora into calling upon the darkness for the superficial result to bring Roxas back (though both not caring about the outcome either - whenever they manage trapping Sora inside his darkness the way they had in DDD, after all or if Roxas truly would be reborn through Sora becoming a Heartless, again or other; every outcome would ultimately come to please them), but with the boy ultimately refusing them to their disappointment, yet still acceptance before taking their leave, again, eventually) which they'd later pass on towards the revived apprentices (while also sharing a reunion with the Radiant Garden Restoration Comittee in the process and learning upon their newfound partnership with Ansem's Apprentices in the same vein) - in perticular Ienzo - who'd resolve evaluating and running through the data/program delievered to him while also stating towards the trio that it's going to take quite some time to ultimately finish that process, leaving the gang little choice, but to leave the former Organization Member to it and return some other time in hopes of him being done by then.

This is how that very instance happens to look like around the time we last left off.


In reflections towards the above, if you figure in me having missed anything in this overall summarization so far you perceive to be important (as I also only happen to be human) or scenes or whatever or have a question adressing something I couldn't/didn't manage bringing up here, you always leave a comment below or note me and I'll be certain to fill in the blanks as quickly as possible.


So, with that all said and done, let's finally take a look at the rest of the plot now:



So, we last left off within Yen Sid's tower (notice a running theme there?), with Sora's, Donald's and Goofy's journey having for the most part not yield towards the greater objectives in seeking out/retrieving the Key to Return Hearts while ultimately learning from a simeaultanously returned Mickey and Riku in theirs not having been successful either out of having lost Aqua and actually same Keyblade towards Xehanort now alongside Riku having lost his own as well, in the process, leaving a somewhat bittersweet atmosphere in the process (if still uplifted through Sora's ever-present optimism, but still).

At that very same time, they find themselves joined by Kairi and Axel/Lea, having undergone many endeavors, challenges and confrontations all by themselves in the meantime within their training grounds to ultimately master themselves and their Keyblades as well, in the process to the point of at least being able in standing up towards Xehanort now.

In the process, Sora, Kairi and Axel/Lea engage themselves in some catchup culminating in Sora and Kairi bringing the prospect of retrieving their respective Nobodies as own persons into their list of topics, both eager and hopeful to effectively grant them their own lifes, in the process (all while simeautanously sharing a 'somewhat' peaceful moment between themselves felt and shared by their Nobodies in equal share, then (at least to the player)) while Riku would've to initially stay behind for Yen Sid to unveil to him that, following his overall growth in character over the course of the last year or so in conjunction with his experiences within the Dream Worlds and newfound power retrieved, his very scent and aura have significantly changed, having evolved to the point that, maybe, this means he's also able in forging himself a complete new Keyblade out of his heart, especially since this may also have played a bit of a part in the Key to Return Hearts ultimately having been able in destroying his old one, in the first place - a very powerful advice Riku's willing to follow. And after few attempts followed by Yen Sid and Mickey further encouraging him in believing in himself, he indeed manages in manifesting a new Keyblade on the spot, the very one that happens to be officially known now, raising overall hopes for tiny bit.

However, that uplifting moment is not to last for long as pivotal heavy changes happen to be felt and take place throughout the worlds at large, as Yen Sid, using his connections to the stars in order to consule them about this abrupt happenstance is in form of flashs ultimately informed about the following event:


Following her semi-stance of leadership over this world, the possessed Aqua leads Master Xehanort, his younger incarnation and Xemnas through Castle Oblivion and into the Chamber of Waking especially the latter had sought out for so long as Aqua, in conjunction with Young Xehanort's direct help and lore gained through his earlier exploits and her usage of the Key to Return Hearts, ultimately inserts a piece of Xehanort's heart into Ven's body, same one ultimately awaking, effectively becoming Ventus-Nort.



And this the very reason the plot of Toy Box would become so important for this later stage.

But why this overall fuss? What were Xehanort's intentions with that insight?

Why, it had been what he had always wanted, complete control over an independent body.

Remember what Terranort's and Braig's experiments' true purpose has been: "attempts to control the mind and convince it to renounce its sense of self".

The original experiments would ultimately cause the mass release of Heartless into the Realm of Light and the creation of Nobodies. But in any case would they still remain imperfect attempts - especially in case of the humanoid Nobodies who'd still retain a sense of self even in spite of all deceits and lies enforced through Xemnas - no matter how advanced.

From the very beginning, Master Xehanort had aspired to ultimately have fully perfect clones at his disposal that would serve as thoroughly complete extensions of him he could phase through at will without a personally-associated sense of self to them as he even has to content with in regards to his current Organization through the aspect that, in exception to his younger version, Ansem and Xemnas, he first would have to override his other vessels' original personality with his own, a great time-consuming process that still may not spell 100% success out of them still retaining a tiny amount of self-conscious associated to and with them. The Replica Project overseen by Xemnas initially had looked like a true promising breakthrough in that regard only to ultimately end in failure as well out of said 'puppets' eventually coming to form a self-identity of their own over time.

In fact, had it been possible at the time, Xehanort would've ultimately preferred taking over Terra's body without the latter's heart still inside it, so he could've had it all for himself without having had to struggle with the lad ever since.

However, had he removed his heart beforehand, Master Xehanort's plan would've ultimately failed by proxy. Why?

Because the body would've simply dissolved then as Dream Drop Distance's intro nicely illustrated, aka



So he was ultimately forced to undergo his manipulation-spiel he had to enforce onto him way back in BBS.

Ventus's body in turn would not dissolve out of his heart not having left the Realm of Light, having sought refuge inside Sora, preserving same body in return.

However, even if Xehanort had inserted part of his own heart inside the boy even with the help of the Key to Return Hearts, the body would've remained immobile out of the new heart found inside not belonging towards the original's overall composition (like, say, an organ transplant that's ultimately rejected by the body out of it not expecting same foreign item).

And that's also part of the very reason he had sought out a way to overcome this very dilemma, with his younger version having ultimately succeeded in this endeavor through the latter's experiences faced in Toy Box (hence also the overall importance of the 'split world theme' in reflection towards Ventus's own split among other).




And so, the body may appear as Ventus aside of newfound alternations found in many Xehanorts (again, 'Aquanort') and the boy's original heart still happens to be found inside of Sora. But it ultimately features a part of Xehanort's heart within, effectively turning him into another young-versioned clone of him as he had always aspired in a way, ultimately rendering him the true 13th and final member of his Organization now (as well as ending the overall matter with Vanitas's 'sustainment' out of once more sharing close proximity with his former self, now).


And it's that newfound wave of darkness already feelable to the likes of Yen Sid and fellow Keyblade Wielders way earlier that happens to throw everything into even more unbalance out of this shift of balance coming to pass through Xehanort's completion of his Organization for real now, ultimately having his 13 darknesses now, the dark half of the Keyblade, in the end, with him now ready and eager to target the new Princesses of Heart as he had already declared to do in the past in case of the Guardians not being ready for their clash yet or refusing to do so, seeing no initial further use in them anymore.

However, this overturn to darkness would also reveal something entirely new emerging out of the newfound stand of worlds - a world completely foreign and greatly differing in nature, partly stable and yet not, hinting at something even greater found within.

Realizing this newfound turn of events spelling grave danger for the worlds at large regarding the Princesses, but also an opportunity of sorts in regards to this strange newfound world possibly containing something within that may help in their clash against Xehanort, Yen Sid sends out Riku and Mickey to investigate this strange world while instructing Sora, Donald and Goofy to retravel the worlds and ensure the Princess's safety through hiding them/otherwise and subsequently protect them from the Thirteen Seekers of Darkness the best they can (with few exceptions on the Xehanorts' ends) and, finally, Axel/Lea and Kairi towards Radiant Garden to check in with Ienzo regarding the state of the retrival of Roxas.

Initially this leads SDG into retravelling some worlds to follow Yen Sid's new instructions, fending off Organization Members left and right in the process, before eventually successfully returning, only to learn from Yen Sid that Mickey and Riku would not yet return from their investigation in spite of his attempts to contact them, leading Sora into travelling there himself to his companions' chagrins barely keeping up with him.

Within this strange world, Sora would initially look around, feeling himself somewhat familiar with that place as, eventually entering a study chamber, he accidentally detects and unlocks a portal, partially through the help of 'someone very special' that'd ultimately result in Sora ending up in an even stranger world where he'd unexpectedly come across many Keyblade Wielders, especially however 3 individuals serving as their leaders through whose conversation with alongside flashes of memory, Sora would ultimately come to gain Ventus's memories, finally understanding in harboring the Keyblader's heart and subsequent taunts of enemies throughout the series as well as where he happens to be:

Like in case of Dream Drop Distance and Toy Box for a time, in overall, this strange world happens to be split in two - even moreso actually, for it happens to be hidden and disconnected from the other worlds, 'unchained' so to say - with one part being real, but the other being a dream - an endless dream to the likes of the Dream Zanarkand found in Final Fantasy X where Keyblade Wielders of the Dandelions formation happen to be trapped within, partially relieving themselves through events considered long in the past in the 'real world', partially ignorant towards their state, continuing their routines as they always had before the times of darkness, hence also the reason for drawing powers of worlds and persons way beyond their time and reach as well as having the aid of Chirithies posing as Dream Eaters.

The only entrance to this 'Dream World' happens to be accessible through a portal found within the same room Sora happens to be in, being able to enter and leave same world at will once unlocked with a Keyblade, but unable in taking any of the Keyblade Wielders trapped inside it with him as that requires the additional possession of a special item partially serving as cause for same world's very cration: the copy of The Book of Prophecies ultimately entrusted to one of the new Union-leaders, with same leaders having ultimately chosen to sent Ven with the Book back into the 'real world' after eons of passing (definitely helped in same realm, like the Dream Worlds, no time passing) to see if, following the happenstances of the Keyblade War, it happens to be safe to migrate back to it, having been accompanied by Lauriam supposedly to aid/protect him (while in reality following entirely different ambitions I better refrain from closer dwelving into out of already long-getting text, again), but, following the never before tried attempt at travelling outside their Dream World into the real one, ultimately ending up separated from one another and, most importantly, initially losing their memories of their origin whence they came (in Lauriam's case also resulting in the loss of his Keyblade while it'd be in that state that Ventus had been found by Xehanort shortly thereafter and, with the copy of the Book of Prophecies in his possession also including details within not found in all copies such as the very box of the Master of Masters, this ultimately happens to close the entire circle regarding Ventus's full origin, with him having ultimately recovered same memories over time while having been within Sora's heart over decade among other, in the end).

Despondent in being unable in taking them with him alongside the revelation made to him that the world would ultimately disappear into the shadows, again, if the 7 Guardians where to defeat the cause behind the emergence of said world (aka strong darkness initiated through Xehanort, so Xehanort in that case), Sora regardlessly vows to ultimately save them, taking his leave from same Dream World, again - but not before being granted a gift from the Union Leaders that will ultimately allow him to summon an apparation of them to aid in battle - where he unexpectedly runs into Mickey and Riku who in turn explain to him they had to face Aqua once more who Xehanort had sent out to investigate this place as well, having given chase to and battling her until they at least had managed in retrieving the Key to Return Hearts from her (with her having escaped, however) with which they may now be able in facing Xehanort on (somewhat) equal levels.

As they leave the world altogether, however, Maleficent unexpectedly arrives on the scene, having meanwhile caught up in speed on newfound turns of events mainly regarding the box's fate now alongside its contents, but also for this world's emergence out of reasons I better refrain from explaining so as to keep this in one part now, seeing an opportunity in this - or, rather the Dream World's - very foundation somewhat reflecting the one found in the Data Worlds of coded that she can make use of to manipulate and ultimately conquer altogether with the real worlds in equal share, transporting herself into same Dream World (and, as of the ending, end up getting sealed inside), ultimately uncovering here the very nature behind her emergence found in the secret ending back in Chi/Union Cross.


Meanwhile, the gang returns to the Mysterious Tower where Yen Sid informs them about the process of Roxas's retrival, with Ienzo having ultimately asked for Sora, leading towards another trip to Radiant Garden where Ansem the Wise's former apprentice reveals towards the gang that he meanwhile used the data provided to him to ultimately regenerate a digitally-bodied copy of Roxas, the only thing required now being Sora making use of the Key to Return Hearts to extract Roxas out of himself (with the ultimate revelation/confirmation being made here that, yes, Roxas has come to grow a heart all on his own over the course of his growth in return) and project it into said data copy, ultimately resulting the data copy, once converted into the 'real world' to become full flesh and blood, ultimately resulting in the full retrival of Roxas then.

However, that's not all, as, throughout, it's also revealed by Ienzo that, for reasons beyond his understanding, the creation of Roxas's digital copy would result in not 'merely' him being (re-)created, but another entirely... a certain replica - Xion, the overall process having ultimately resulted in both them having returned now, to ultimately serve as final members of the 7 Guardians of Light (yes, Namine then retrieved that way as well then).

However, their overall happy gathering happens to remain relatively short-lived as Xehanort's gang is still on the rise, far from vanquished, ambushing the heroes and once more retaking the Key to Return Hearts for themselves, forcing them into action, ultimately.


And thus the final confrontation between the Thirteen Seekers of Darkness and the 7 Guardians (alongside Donald and Goofy) happens to take place at the Keyblade Graveyard, with same clash ultimately resulting in a good deal of additional twists along the way (mainly evolving around Xigbar's/Braig's own plans finally being revealed here) as the true X-Blade indeed happens to be forged alongside the appearance of the true Kingdom Hearts, leading towards further battles taking place beyond the original battlefield (alongside the saving of Ansem the Wise on the sidelines) - as in a world completely different in nature than experienced beforehand as Nomura had hinted at in one of his interviews - eventually ending in Xehanort's ultimate defeat in a rather unique way (hint: becoming 'unchained') and for his possession over his vessels (those having been their own persons before and having not completely given themselves over to Xehanort that is; Young Xehanort and Ansem ultimately vanquish, returning towards their original timelines to expect their respective outcomes while those having given themselves over to Xehanort completely like, say, Larxene, completely happen to be erased alongside him) to ultimately be lifted, resulting in Terra having his body returned to him and Aqua to be freed from Xehanort's possession as well as Ven's body which, with the help of the reclaimed Key to Return hearts ultimately results in Ven's heart being returned to his body, finally awaking at long last.

However, even in spite of all their blissfulness in having defeated Xehanort and for many of their suffering having come to an end, the consequences of the final clash against same one as for the reforging of the X-Blade in general happen to leave the fate of the world rather uncertain in regards to the likes of a new Keyblade War potentially reapproaching or from darkness regrowing - especially in reflections towards the still ever present Heartless in same Worlds - as additional bonus bosses and secret video would come to showcase (who, alongside the fate of many other characters from that point onward, I better refrain from fully explaining so to ultimately keep this in one part now) - but with especially Sora still maintaining his ever-present optimism in them always being able in saving the day, in the end.




And, well, after 5 Parts now, this is what roughly happens to make up the entire plot of KH3 in a way - roughly in that case especially poignant, for I admit and apologize all the same for having wrapped up the rest so, well, roughly, for lack of alternate word now.

It's just, after already having come up with 4 Parts now beforehand that may already render people less likely in reading through things, things wouldn't really be all better if blowing things up over five parts now, hence having especially in later sections of this very part tuned down on explanations and engagements within.

I know this to be unfair to you and I'm really sorry for that. Perhaps I might revise especially those final sections within an extra entry or anything or at least remain available for you towards all kinds of questions you most especially will have towards the outcomes of this very part now, but that remains to be seen as of yet.

At least, if again, not quite what originally aspired, it's as good as all there now, so... leaving the rest up to you from here...



  • Listening to: various
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  • Watching: /
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*Warning, heavy spoilers ahead, read at your own risk continued from the previous part onward*

Alright, another split, another break and that after what, 4-5 hours of sleep out of a bad stomach now shortly after a heavy headache the previous 1-2 days before? Seriously, I must come up with a flu or something, dunno. :shrug:

Anyway, it's not my personal bullsh*t you're here for (or at all, dunno really ^^; ), so let's not dwell on that and wrap up what I still couldn't match within the previous part and hopefully finalize things for real here (yeah, this is definitely going to be the final part for real now).

So, the 'day before' I already started to tap a bit into KH3's actual plot, having started over with Olympus Coliseum up to the point where Yen Sid would sent out Sora, Donald and Goofy for their new quest to supposedly seek out the "Key to Return Hearts" among other helpful elements for their inevitable final clash against Xehanort and his Organization.


This happens to make up one half of my previously established point, aka


2. Main Plot of KH3

2.1. First half
2.2. Second half

(the structure in itself orientating on amounts of plot and exposition-based material to elaborate on my end rather than the circumstances of the plot themselves)

with the 2nd half to finally be revealed now and clear some final aspects still missing such as

- what final act would effectively be undertaken for Aqua to ultimately end up as another puppet for Xehanort
- Ventus supposedly ending up as final member of the True Organization XIII as well now.

For those just joining in now, you may take a look at previous parts in case of encountering elements brought up here whose deepgoing meanings or understandings in general may be lost to you, in the process - at least so I don't have to bring them into too much diverging attention/focus here, again:


Kingdom Hearts 3: Plot - Part I (Aquanort + Other)*Warning, heavy spoilers ahead, read at your own risk*
Alright, friends, as promised (somewhat), starting today I'll begin letting you in on Kingdom Hearts 3's plot as far as this timeline's amount of information revealed so far ultimately happens to allow - you know, following most recent explanations on why doing so fully now could have disastrous consequences otherwise - aka

and, following that, we "can't have [us] causing any temporal paradoxes", after all. :rofl:
Well, since seemingly only little amount of people showed actual interest in me doing this (seriously would've wished at least a few more voting on my poll telling of this, but nope not going down that path, again :shrug: ), I'm gonna do this in a more restraint summarized manner now than what I originally had in mind (though considering my still not overcome overblowing-tendencies grinding much on people's nerves, I guess that's for the better :shrug: ).
Also, to at least ease thin
Kingdom Hearts 3: Plot - Part II (Continued)*Warning, heavy spoilers ahead, read at your own risk, latestely here*
Alright friends, after a brief pause following a strong headache and quick recovery through sleep, it's here now I'll continue with where I left off the day before (or rather those 13-14 hours since having released the previous entry by the time I'm publishing this ^^; ). For those who haven't read the previous entry as of yet, you may find it here:

And while afromentioned first part would mainly focus on backgrounds leading into KH3 in lights of what initial factors would play into Aqua ultimately being corrupted enough to the point of allowing Xehanort effectively possessing her within same main game now instead of previously proclaimed pre-established plot-summary, this very part happens to be the real deal now, a true outlook what's going to happen in KH3 as far as current stands of time happen to allow following way earlier explanations upon the matter
Kingdom Hearts 3: Plot - Part III (The Real-Deal)*Warning, heavy spoilers ahead, read at your own risk truly here now*


Alright, the title basically says it all. This part now will serve as very closure of this rather short-lived 'field trip'/'side project' of sorts and finally bring up how KH3's plot's going to pass, ultimately.
And in reflections to that I once more apologize for that unexpected final delay on my end out of having had to cover up many things in advance in order for you to have a better understanding of how things are ultimately linking themselves together in same ultimate plot now - at least all I could so far as there still happen to be some elements additionally to be closer looked into here and then, but mostly all straightforward and to the point from here on.
Well, that said, bringing up my previously introduced list found in the preceeding part, we now happen to find ourselves at this very point now:
2. Main Plot of KH3


2.1. First half
2.2. Second half


So, that all cleared and, once more, all to be shared in lights of this timeline's amount of information already shared with you thus for reasons brought up here


I apparantly 'did a thing' - Me and Kingdom Heartsor, alternatively... "I am a time traveler!"


Good day, friends. This journal - as you can see - is gonna be quite different from many past ones - a surely refreshing experience for once for the many of you as for me, though this admittably still remains something of an unusual course for me to sail through.
In fact, I normally wouldn't even do this - at least talking about something so 'casual' in my eyes when it comes towards my connections/experiences with the Kingdom Hearts series (at least not anymore for quite some years now for many a reason).
This one, however, I really feel the need to return the call, especially since it indirectly happens to concern me this time around - that and many people having come towards me and inquiring me about it leading towards doing this now.
And since I've been reminded time and time, again about my too long-getting journals - also with special thanks towards an equally special friend on this one - from here o


(yeah, brought that one up in previous entries now, so why break the tradition here :XD: :trollface: )

let's finally continue for real from here:




2. Main Plot of KH3

2.2. Second half

So, again, we last left off at the point where Yen Sid would sent out the gang to retrieve earlier named Key found inside the box of the Master of Masters alongside all additional help that may become useful for their final clash against Xehanort.

3. With same objectives in mind, it's from here on Sora, Donald and Goofy once more travel around various worlds, some already known such as The Carribean (originally Port Royal in KH2) now featuring the plot of At World's End (that one having heavily been predicted as well by many fans many times beforehand) and Twilight Town among other, all alongside entirely new ones such as Arendelle (yeah, that one, too, having heavily been called from fans), San Fransokyo and Toy Box - just to name a few now (though alongside those already known by you so far only happen to be the tip of the ice berg as partially already given away through the infamous 'world leak' a few months before, but even then way beyond that!).

Basically, the world's plots for the most part happen to superficially follow the same formula as past games - just with the differences that some will feature an original story instead of shallowly following their movie's one as the case with Toy Box as well as, in case of said story following the movie's plot to some extend after all or in general, tie the villains a good deal closer towards the happenstances of same worlds than past instances, reflecting their appearances within same worlds in both symoblic and active ways as they in turn will go after multiple objectives at the same time.

Again, said objectives of the Xehanort-faction happen to be:

1. Undergo all measures - experimental as otherwise - that will ultimately lead to the completion of their very ranks, in that case also meaning continously pestering/antagonizing Sora in case they might manage breaking him, again, after all (as they/Xehanort still will take every option available to him as the great Masterplaner he happens to be, for every outcome regarding the formation of the 7 Guardians and his own ranks happen to benefit him in the long run)

2. Reseek the new 7 Princesses of Heart (reasons why having become a necessity now already explained in Part II of this overall series)

3. Find the box of the Master of Masters containing the Key to Return Hearts within (now, since you surely must be wondering how Xehanort and his cohorts happens to know about that very Keyblade's existence in the first place, this I'll explain a bit later on as it's going to make more sense then)

with all 'Xehanorts' undergoing all kinds of measures fit their characteristics as in general to mess up with the world's inhabitants and properties to ultimately get what they want.

Now I won't list up all of same world's closer-going plots within as having done so with Olympus Coliseum as doing so would blow this very part, again, before getting to its intented end for one thing as well as they only possessing this much weight towards the overall plot aside of what I've already brought up earlier (in regards to the Xehanorts that is, as Maleficent and Pete this time remain largely out of both factions' way so as to not blow their intentions, their case only becoming truly relevant towards the climax, again), though in case of interest you can leave something in the comments or note me and I'll indulge you further as far as circumstances may allow (yes, still playing that timeline-card :trollface: ).

However, the one plot I truly want to briefly mention here for you to especially keep in mind for later on happens to be the one found within Toy Box - aka Young Xehanort splitting the world in two as having done with Traverse Town in Dream Drop Distance as well as studying the Toy's properties, how they'd come to gain a life, heart and sense-of-self and how to take that away and replace what's left within it with anothers as doing so with Heartless taking over toys after first berefting them of these qualities. 

Those very acts - aka the splitting in itself and telecontrolling bodies through foreign entities (as in hearts) without the original's heart present within anymore happen to be both symbolic in relations towards the former in reflections towards the actions of a Xehanort committed to a 'certain character' long in the past as well as important for what's ultimately going to happen - at least that's the very reason why the plot of Toy Box happens to be so important in overall events for me to briefly allude to here.


Well, quickly returning towards the overall plot, again, SDG will, naturally of course, once more travel to various worlds combating any schemes and chaos set up by local Disney Villains and the Nortization in special mention and encounter many colorful new characters  and summons (whose systems however, happen to be different this time around out of Sora channeling them through a different means of linking magic - the same one that ultimately enables him to summon Disney-themed rides than amulets or gems, hence also their more elemental appearances each (the Dream Eaters being possible to summon through Sora's adventures in DDD and subsequent regained ability to do such a feat alongside his closely forged bonds with them, then)) - all either at home within their respective worlds (like, again, earlier brought up samples) or completely native towards diverging ones like, prominently revealed, Remy found in Twilight Town or Wall-E for that matter (yes, Wall-E's also going to feature ;) ).

Gameplay-Elements I don't want to too closely dwelve into so as to leave at least one faction untouched here, though of course, this time around, in regards to Mini-Games, you'll find a great deal of assortment of different options featured within - either portable such as the prominent console device gifted to Sora through the Twilight Town gang or local-based ones such as, again earlier mentioned Remy-example, but also initial one-time events such as the dance-party found in the Kingdom of Corona or KH's own (if still close to the original source) take on *sigh* 'Let it Go' in Arendelle (though at least it's done a lot better than the Atlantica minigames in KH2 as many fans would come to complaint and mock about over the years; at least the dev-team's definitely took same ones to heart so as to not have repetition of same 'catastrophe', again) (though you do get an option of redoing them later on, also needed to win more trophies that way).

And what goes for Gummi-Ship missions, this time around, you'll be free to travel between worlds and not have to take them on at all for the most part if you don't feel like it, though there still are some instances where you'll be forced to undergo special clearing sections which, however, I'm not going to dwelve closer into here to, again, keep things moderate here; but, again, like earlier case, you can always question me afterwards anytime (that and you still gaining some useful items if you're to do them after all).


Well, back to the main plot, again, as already pointed out, SDG would travel through many worlds, again, and have many encounters with (new) friends and foes alike (which, again, I'll restrain myself from overblowing, again, though a brief closer insight I do want to bring into mention regarding the plot of Monstropolis - in perticular Vanitas - another revelation made apparant later on happens to be that, supposedly, Vanitas let the Unversed roam freely through the company, city and in various worlds connected through the doors scaring children on más out of not only siphoning their scream energy returned through the Unversed to solely strenghten himself, but also to ultimately 'sustain' himself as, following his supposed-to-be current state of existence in conjunction with his summoning from the past, would ultimately leave Vanitas at a much more brittle state than he lets on, hence his ultimate obsession with obtaining his 'alternate self' out of Sora so as to completely stabilize himself; however, the attempt is ultimately foiled by initially Sora and later accompany of his friends both old and new, forcing him to retreat, but still regardlessly 'sustained' for the time being then, vowing to eventually finish what he began, before ultimately taking his leave) - however, all in all, their quest to find and retrieve the box and the Key found within happen to be without success, forcing them in returning towards Yen Sid empty handed where they ultimately celebrate a reunion with a returned Riku and Mickey and be brought up to speed of what ultimately transpired on their end).


In Mickey's and Riku's case, after a brief trip towards Disney Castle (where they in return would be informed of Ansem the Wise's ultimate discoveries through Chip and Dale, hence ultimately learning about the existence of the Key to Return Hearts, then), they'd initially set out to find a starting point from which to travel back into the Realm of Darkness, aspiring to do so back on the Destiny Islands as that was the very place Mickey used to travel into the RoD way back in KH1 when it was first lost to darkness as well as the very place he had last been with Aqua to retrieve the Kingdom Key D (before the aftermath situation back at the Door to Darkness), considering it the savest place to ultimately return with Aqua once retrieving her out of familiarity with said place among other.


Upon arriving, Mickey sets off to figure out the very means that will ultimately allow the duo to travel into the RoD in both ritual and location (eventually revealed to be the Secret Place already utilized in a similiar fashion back in 0.2), leaving Riku time to reflect upon his upcomings since the very first game.

Then, however, he finds himself confronted by his "other self", aka Riku Replica who, while appearing slightly moody at first following how their last enouncter mostly played out alongside his laments of still just being Riku's shadowy other, he ultimately reveals himself to not bear any ill-intentions towards his original nor antagonize him, but merely talk, leaving the two a moment to sit on the beach where Riku Replica reveals his return through Young Xehanort's time-traveling means to serve as member of the True Organization (as well as supposedly having been sent towards the Destiny Islands to 'merely' confront and antagonize Riku, having had knowledge of his whereabouts out of the special bond the two happen to share which MX intents to use to both, again, supposedly antagonize the original deal and bind the replica closer to him, in the process), but not wanting to have any part in it, not wanting to be used by anyone else ever again after so many times, having so far tried putting up as much resistance towards Xehanort's overall corruption as possible, but feeling himself failing in his struggle slowly, but surely.

Before the real Riku can largely put up any efforts to help his alternate self (aside of few words of encouragement that are mostly rebuffed by his opposite, though), the reemergence of Mickey puts a damp towards such, with the Replica stealthingly taking his leave while Riku briefly happens to be distracted, leaving him to briefly ponder about his alternate's fate before finding himself catching up with Mickey to fully begin their travel into the Realm of Darkness.

There, they would have to go through many dangers natural within the Realm of Darkness where they also would ultimately come across a significant discovery: The box of the Master of Masters in its most unexpected hiding place found deep within the deepest parts of the Realm of Darkness, with Luxu having ultimately hid it there a good deal of time after the world's reformation, having reasoned this to be the last place any person sane enough would look after, especially in stark contrast towards the Realm of Light where it could be discovered and accidentally opened all too easy (that and ultimately playing once more with the overall symbolic found within the KH-verse that even within the deepest darkness, there will always be light, in that case illustrated through a glimmer of hope in form of the Key to Return Hearts).

However, to their (at the time not nearly as concerned out of not knowing all details behind same circumstance unlike Yen Sid towards SDG) note, the box's already been opened, it's contents already taken. With nothing else for them to do about it, however, the duo moves forward in their quest to find and ultimately retrieve Aqua.

Eventually, they finally arrive at the Dark Margin (or End of the Sea now as it's referred to nowadays, my bad for the mistake in previous parts) where they initially find no signs of either Aqua nor Ansem the Wise (if unknown towards the duo out of natural circumstances).

Then however, Mickey and Riku end up being ambushed/attacked through a shadowy figure who traps Mickey in a sphere of dark, while Riku initially manages it in overcoming the attacker by knocking their Keyblade out of their hand, but to the ultimate price of his Keyblade ending up broken at the tip while doing so (for reasons to be explained soon from here) and him getting pushed away by them, leaving him in recovery dizziness/wonder as the shadowy figure emerges further from their previous position, retrieving their Keyblade that ultimately happens to be the Key to Return Hearts as the shadowy figure is ultimately revealed to be Aqua under the possessions of Xehanort as now finally known.




And it's here I'll ultimately reveal now how Aqua would fully end up under Xehanort's control.

Again, her overall stages leading up to her final possession had been carefully orchastrated through Xehanort (through the initial indirect utilization of Xemnas in return) in the events he'd not manage completing his Organization through Sora, having - like the Keyblade - "moved down the list", coming up with her as surrogate in compensation for losing Sora in return (as, following the 'boy's' tendencies messing up his plans the most out of the entire gang alongside his overall state found within the Dream Worlds following his Mark of Mastery exam making him much more vulnerable there, he indeed would've preferred having Sora within his ranks to ultimately ensure his victory in the long run, though, again, he'd still have little problems with the boy ultimately being spared from such fate and end up on the opposing end as he already had Aqua in mind in case of not succeeding, in the end), having let his alternate selves led the heroes astray in thoughts of completing his Organization through other means as found within the world plots at large to ultimately hide his true intentions of taking Aqua in before the heroes could potentially interfene, again, as had been the case with Sora beforehand.


Though, even now, you'll still naturally wonder about what Xehanort had ultimately done now to effectively bind Aqua to him, in the long run, right?

Well, since Xemnas and the Realm of Darkness already had a profound effect of weakening Aqua's overall defenses in regards to her strenght of heart, he'd have little problem placing part of his heart inside her to ultimately complete the possession. However, that doesn't mean she would be less powerful in other aspects such as combat, so he ultimately needed to catch her off-guard.

And that's where perhaps unexpectedly for you Riku Replica ultimately happens to come in as - flashback-wise, it'll be revealed that the reasoning behind the Replica's presence within the Destiny Islands had been for an entire different reason on Xehanort's end, with the true purpose being as to keep up with Mickey and his alternate self and figure out what they've been after and, after having learnt what their objectives were earlier, keep track on them and, once certain they'd be in the Realm of Darkness, play part in Xehanort's newfound scheme springing a trap on Aqua.

In that case, the Replica would ultimately appear to her at a time before Mickey and Riku could reach her and, believing the Replica to be the real deal, Aqua would almost end up falling for the fake, resulting in a battle between the two during which it is shown that Aqua would already wield the Key to Return Hearts, revealing her to be the one ending up finding and opening the box and taking said Keyblade from within, preferring it over the use of the Master Defender, hence using it against the Replica, inadvertently, but effectively managing in separating Repliku from Xehanort's corruption, but with her still ending up defeated through an ambush attack coming from the shadows, leaving her indisposed and at the feet of the Replica towering over her.

It's here Master Xehanort would then ultimately reveal himself from the shadows responsible for that sneak attack like in case with Eraqus before as, after a brief taunt directed at Aqua, he'd urge for the Replica to finish the deal and force Aqua to ultimately share its fate.

However, Repliku, now freed from his 'superior's' control following Aqua's use of the Key to Return Hearts on him during their battle (again, as thoroughly explained in the previous part, one of its qualities happen to be to negate everything that happens to be darkness-aligned, that which also includes Xehanort's darkness, hence the Replica not being part of his Organization anymore; and that's also ultimately the reason why the real Riku's Keyblade would break during his encounter with possessed-Aqua as his Keyblade still used to be part-darkness) would blantly refuse, leading Xehanort into finishing the deal himself in spite of Repliku's attempt to interfere, ultimately resulting in Aqua's state of possession now, for the Replica having to temporarily retreat and for the elderely Keyblade Master to take a witnessing, but unable in assisting Ansem the Wise with him (the reason for that being that, out of the former world leader's great knowledge himself as well as having provided that data for Sora and his friends in the first place, he ultimately wants to keep him for himself, partially also to prevent from any more insight/help falling into the good guy's hands, ultimately), leaving Aqua back with the intend of ambushing and temporarily indisposing Mickey and Riku until Xehanort would ultimately manage finishing up his entire business regarding the completion of his Organization - now one member shorter thanks to his loss of the Replica - among other, in the end.



And thus, we find ourselves in the semi-present, again, where the possessed Aqua ultimately takes her leave after few final taunts/remarks, leaving now empty-handed Mickey and Riku back (after the latter frees the former) left with no choice, but to return towards the Realm of Light and Yen Sid, but not before Riku would leave behind his now broken Keyblade back within the Realm of Darkness for his "other self" to potentially find for his continued struggles against Xehanort ahead potentially aspiring in retaking the Replica under his wing...



Well, and so would many events come to fall together within the Mysterious Tower - SDG on one side, Mickey and Riku on the other, eventually joined in by many more groups and more revelations to be made in subsequent events.




Which, for force's sake I still don't happen to be done yet, even now! Really, I though this was the last Part wrapping everything I couldn't fit into the previous one anymore. :shouting:

Ah, well, at least we've made great progresses so far and what I still happen to miss can definitely be wrapped up within a now subsequent, but definitely final part now.


So stay tuned when the soon end of this plot-revelation and series in general happens to come to pass!




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  • Drinking: various
*Warning, heavy spoilers ahead, read at your own risk truly here now*

Alright, the title basically says it all. This part now will serve as very closure of this rather short-lived 'field trip'/'side project' of sorts and finally bring up how KH3's plot's going to pass, ultimately.

And in reflections to that I once more apologize for that unexpected final delay on my end out of having had to cover up many things in advance in order for you to have a better understanding of how things are ultimately linking themselves together in same ultimate plot now - at least all I could so far as there still happen to be some elements additionally to be closer looked into here and then, but mostly all straightforward and to the point from here on.

Well, that said, bringing up my previously introduced list found in the preceeding part, we now happen to find ourselves at this very point now:


2. Main Plot of KH3

2.1. First half
2.2. Second half


Everything brought up way beforehand won't be reexplained in this section (for the most part), so keep that in mind when eventually skimming through this, then. For those who may want a quick catch-up on things and not want themselves turning confused upon going through the following, you may find the previous parts here:


Kingdom Hearts 3: Plot - Part I (Aquanort + Other)*Warning, heavy spoilers ahead, read at your own risk*
Alright, friends, as promised (somewhat), starting today I'll begin letting you in on Kingdom Hearts 3's plot as far as this timeline's amount of information revealed so far ultimately happens to allow - you know, following most recent explanations on why doing so fully now could have disastrous consequences otherwise - aka

and, following that, we "can't have [us] causing any temporal paradoxes", after all. :rofl:
Well, since seemingly only little amount of people showed actual interest in me doing this (seriously would've wished at least a few more voting on my poll telling of this, but nope not going down that path, again :shrug: ), I'm gonna do this in a more restraint summarized manner now than what I originally had in mind (though considering my still not overcome overblowing-tendencies grinding much on people's nerves, I guess that's for the better :shrug: ).
Also, to at least ease thin
Kingdom Hearts 3: Plot - Part II (Continued)*Warning, heavy spoilers ahead, read at your own risk, latestely here*
Alright friends, after a brief pause following a strong headache and quick recovery through sleep, it's here now I'll continue with where I left off the day before (or rather those 13-14 hours since having released the previous entry by the time I'm publishing this ^^; ). For those who haven't read the previous entry as of yet, you may find it here:

And while afromentioned first part would mainly focus on backgrounds leading into KH3 in lights of what initial factors would play into Aqua ultimately being corrupted enough to the point of allowing Xehanort effectively possessing her within same main game now instead of previously proclaimed pre-established plot-summary, this very part happens to be the real deal now, a true outlook what's going to happen in KH3 as far as current stands of time happen to allow following way earlier explanations upon the matter


Aside of that, alongside a good deal of other elements yet to be looked into, these in the 1st Part brought up plot-points are definitely getting to receive their proper explanation within this now:

1. the very nature behind the eponymous "Key to Return Hearts"
2. what final act would effectively be undertaken for Aqua to ultimately end up as another puppet for Xehanort
3. Ventus supposedly ending up as final member of the True Organization XIII, after all.


Alright, with that all cleared now, I'll finally continue with KH3's plot for real now as far as this timeline's amount of information revealed so far ultimately happens to allow - you know, following most recent explanations on why doing so fully now could have disastrous consequences otherwise - aka

I apparantly 'did a thing' - Me and Kingdom Heartsor, alternatively... "I am a time traveler!"


Good day, friends. This journal - as you can see - is gonna be quite different from many past ones - a surely refreshing experience for once for the many of you as for me, though this admittably still remains something of an unusual course for me to sail through.
In fact, I normally wouldn't even do this - at least talking about something so 'casual' in my eyes when it comes towards my connections/experiences with the Kingdom Hearts series (at least not anymore for quite some years now for many a reason).
This one, however, I really feel the need to return the call, especially since it indirectly happens to concern me this time around - that and many people having come towards me and inquiring me about it leading towards doing this now.
And since I've been reminded time and time, again about my too long-getting journals - also with special thanks towards an equally special friend on this one - from here o


(yeah, still grinding your nerves with that aspect, gotta problem? Problem?) - sorry, still wanted to bring that up one more time before moving on.


Alright, here's what you've been waiting for so long now:



2. Main Plot of KH3

2.1. First half

1. So, as already well-established many times through various media - after a (skippable) longer based movie-format to the likeness of the 358/2 Days, coded and 2.8 adaptions of various remakes covering up on all the main story's events up to that point and traditional standart intro featuring Utada Hikaru's Don't Think Twice Cover as well as specialized starting intro showcasing the full chess-match set between young Eraqus and Xehanort respectively - the game truly sets off with Sora, Donald and Goofy arriving at Olympus Coliseum for already long known/explained reasons
=> they don't find Herc there, but are quickly set alert to happenstances in the city of Thebes, leading them to investigate
=> find the city in havoc, overrun with Heartless, having to fight themselves through hordes of them until eventually finding Herc in the process of protecting some citizens
=> after fending off additional enemies, Herc provides some insights to what's been going on; the short version being that, after having suffered one humaliting defeat too many in the past, Hades has finally 'cracked' (not entirely or too much, but still apparant), throwing all cares for supposedly complicated schemes and the like out of the window and take over Olympus by force now, having finally managed in gathering, commanding and unleashing all true Titans at once now as well as unleash an army of Heartless within the city of Thebes while taking additional ones with him for afromentioned quest (this overall change of plans/attitude also partially held responsible through overall shifts of 'balance' within the worlds in general following Master Xehanort's return as Yen Sid had already come to note during Dream Drop Distance additionally providing him the means to do such now)
=> SDG volunteer to take on the Heartless army within Thebes while Herc sets off in advance to stop Hades, a task they naturally succeed in
=> as they take out their final targets, however, they ultimately find themselves confronted by Xigbar who cryptically states his business within that very world as well as with Sora, making use of his now for the Xehanort's generally well-known confusion tactics to throw the trio into confusion (including what's already known through one of the trailers currently) before taking his leave, again, leaving the gang a bit thrown off at first, before shrugging it off for the sake of helping Herc
=> realizing their inability to follow Herc the same way the hero had taken off (= flight), they're forced taking the natural way progressively climbing up all of Olympus
=> meanwhile, Hades marvels in his newfound confidence to ultimately overthrow Zeus and take over Olympus as Maleficent and Pete arrive onto the scene to his already known chagrin, eventually inquiring the Lord of Dead about the existence of a 'certain black box' within his world which leaves him pondering, eventually stating his belief of such to have been sealed away alongside the Titans a long time ago, to be most likely still be found within their former prison then (but with Maleficent and Pete eventually having to realize in said finding place turning out to be dud, forcing them to leave same world empty-handed, again)
=> back at SDG, they make well enough progresses, with Sora managing in reclaiming much of his former strenght, again, during the process fending off Heartless nestled within the mountain paths (including the very ability to summon attacks based on Disney-Rides) before ultimately finding their path blocked through Lythos (the rock titan) who they eventually manage to defeat for good before proceeding
=> eventually arriving at the outskirts of Olympus, the gang reunites with Herc, same union ultimately enabling Sora the wielding of a Olympus-themed Keyblade as well as the ability to transform his Keyblade with this newfound gift now, as the party of four proceed in fighting themselves up to the Olympus, with Sora continuously growing stronger while fighing at Herc's side, before the group splits up once more as Herc goes off to free the other gods of Olympus while SDG face off against Hades by themselves
=> at the gates of Olympus they confront him accompanined by his Heartless and Titans already in the process of triumphing over Zeus, quickly dispatching his Heartless after the trio after alarmed by their presence which the trio has little difficulty to defeat, leaving a furious Hades to sent his Titans after them, but the timely re-arrival of Herc turning the tide, effectively leading towards the defeat of the Titans and Hades as well as the freedom of Zeus who thanks the heroes for their, well, heroic efforts, the overall scenario ending with a final exchange between Sora and Hercules among other, before effectively ending this world for good


Yeah, so much for beginnings. Not to worry, though, I'm not gonna proceed this all the way from here on aside for few exceptions that happen to be truly related towards the greater plot at large, with procedures processing much more straightforward from here on. 

2. After successfully completing Olympus Coliseum and the very objective having lead to that very excursion in the first place, SDG return to the Mysterious Tower where Yen Sid officially proclaims and acknowledges Sora's returned skillset and Mastership in general, before moving on with the explanation that, meanwhile, Chip and Dale have ultimately wrappped up their analysis of Ansem the Wise's data hidden inside Sora, revealing in Ansem having managed in coming across an immense discovery that will ultimately help Sora in his quest to awaken a sleeping heart - that discovery being a special Keyblade, the "Key to Return Hearts", both figurative- as literally.

https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQ-wZ3c7sF62dZgwIdr0jIbKzyp2JnO8PXJzzTgD9RmknQBpmz1jw

Said Keyblade in question, while coming off a bit of overstretching at first glance, is actually neither accidental nor out-of-the-blue as it happens to belong to a special type of Keyblades already known since the 1st game and serving as its (up to 'til now unknown) counterpart (yes, Keyblades as mentioned by Xehanort himself within his reports in BBS).

What type of Keyblades might I be referring to?

Why, the type ultimately known as Keyblades of Heart, with one well-known example already having appeared once within the first game, aka

https://www.khwiki.com/images/thumb/8/8d/Keyblade_of_heart_KH.png/200px-Keyblade_of_heart_KH.png

While the above depicted Keyblade would come to wield the ability to unlock a person's heart at ease within, the Key to Return Hearts happens to serve as its counterpart to ultimately return a person's heart and even more as 'hearts' can in that case  mean much more than just a person, yes, even including the restoration/creation of hearts to entire worlds in that vein (this also the reason why it's sporting such a universal design on it as depicted in the earlier image). And that's still not all as, basically, it can negate everything that's darkness-aligned (brought up here now for reasons to be better understood later on).

And to ultimately shock you all the more now (even if in-plot, Sora and Co. would initially remain unaware that they, as the villains, are basically hunting after the same thing), that's the very secret that happens to be stored inside the eponymous black box of the Master of Masters.

Too far-fetched and believable to be true at this known point for you? Perhaps. Yet it mustn't be forgotten that the Master of Masters used to study the X-Blade at one point as was already revealed through subsequent media. And while Keyblades of Heart would only come to emerge after the happenstances of the original Keyblade War doesn't mean the MoM wouldn't be able in projecting forth a substitute and place it inside his box to ultimately take shape of that very Keyblade seen in the present, then, with the MoM having already known about its eventual qualities to showcase for reasons to be explained shortly from here.

Though perhaps - aside of that - what propably would peeve you more than said Keyblade's origin now would be the MoM's exact motivations behind hiding that very Keyblade (or substitute then) inside that very box.


Throughout the fandom in general, the MoM remains a rather controversial character of sorts whose overall motivations at times happen to be considered... 'questionable' at best - all out of seemingly having orchastrated events to some degree that they ultimately would lead towards the breakout of the 1st Keyblade War, in the first place.

And while that very aspect regardlessly still happens to stand true even now, there still remains the following factor that people also tend to forget rather easily:

Having had the ability to see into the future for insights brought up within the Back Cover movie, the MoM already knew what was going to happen up to the events of KH3 to great extend now, events he knew he couldn't directly change, no matter how much he wanted it, for the "future, it's already been written", a viewpoint he already expressed towards Ira when telling the Foreteller that there was no point in "thinking of ways to change events that [they knew] are gonna happen", but rather focus on "what comes after." No matter what he or his fellow apprentices would've tried, darkness still would come to prevail twice at the end of the day either through cases of self-fulfilling prophecies as accused to be utilized by the MoM directly or in general, with any potential attempts to too largely tamper with the future course of events taking too high a risk in leading into far more unpredictable and/or unfathomable ends for the world(s) at large, hence the MoM rather sticking towards the already known and predestined path that was already accessible to him.

However, even in spite, this all doesn't mean the MoM couldn't at least take small and subtle, yet still powerful steps to at least influence said course of future events. In that case this means, while he, again, couldn't prevent the very events of darkness prevailing twice (again, had he tried tampering too much within same ones, it'd have only resulted in them taking place sometime else then with much more potential disastrous consequences as a result) he still could at least influence events in-so far as to include a roundabout way that'd ultimately ensure that, even in spite of all, light would regardlessly surive up to the point that, perhaps, positions could ultimately be switched, that, even if the prophecy supposedly said otherwise, it's light that's ultimately going to prevail.

And it's for those very reasons he'd take on such extra precausions to ultimately ensure such. Within the times of the 1st Keyblade War, he'd do so through instructing Ava to form the Dandelions.

For this 2nd round, however, he knew that Keyblade Wielders alone wouldn't suffice to save the world from completely being lost to darkness and/or needing additional help in their endeavors way beyond the normally bearable which is the very reason he'd come to hide that very Key to Return hearts - as ultimate emergency-device and last resort to be utilized, hence also forbidding Luxu from ever opening the box; not only because it could endanger the flows of time and his plans for the future, but also, knowing of same qualities same Keyblade would come to bear in near future, he knew such power would prove to be too tempting and dangerous in the wrong hands, hence being so cautious about it (even in spite of Luxu all being surprised about the MoM basically having the very means to end it all already provided within same box, but not intenting in utilizing it and/or not quite understanding the needs nor importance of such device as of yet, then).

Of course, all in all, this still doesn't change nor excuse the MoM's actions at large regarding the Foretellers or still playing up events the way he did instead of potentially looking for alternatives if, again, most likely not being existent at all. But regardlessly, in spite of his mostly unreadable characteristics, there still remains the fact he did also take such measures to at least keep the light from dying if not more - earlier mentioned act towards Ava happens to prove of such. Had he truly been as villainous as some fans accuse him as, he wouldn't have bothered and simply end things with the 1st Keyblade War there and then (even the entire 'traitor' thing wasn't entirely wrong either; though this factor I'm gonna let slide for now out of too much text already gathering up by this point, again ^^; ).


Regardlessly of that all, returning more towards the present again in special reflections towards the Key's unique capabilities explained far earlier, it's this very item Xehanort's Organization's additionally after (as in the box; or, what's rather inside it :XD: ) - not only because it can ultimately help provide the very means upon which Xehanort could effectively complete his Organization, but also because of its very functions of negating all that's darkness-aligned, the last hands MX would surely see this very Keyblade to would be in those of the heroes, to still potentially overcome him, hence him seeking same one out to ultimately prevent that small-chance from coming to pass, in the end (Maleficent and Pete in return, having learnt from the box out of Maleficent having once more sent Pete towards Disney Castle to spy on the heroes initially to figure out means to retrieve the world's data within only for the baddy to overhear Chip and Dale talking about their newfound discovery, happen to remain ignorant towards the box's true contents, believing it to hold a copy of the Book of Prophecy and/or alternate powerful reality-shaping device within to use for their ultimate quest of obtaining absolute world domination, in the end).


Now to truly return towards present events, again, before having had to forciably overexplain things, since this very item happens to be crucial for their upcoming clash against Xehanort for surely relatable reasons now, it's on this note - and after providing Sora with newfound attire once again through the help of the 3 Good Fairies - he sents out the trio to supposedly seek out that very Keyblade (even if having little idea about where it could actually be, but with Ansems research among his own immense knowledge at least to provide some rough pointers to how it could look like and be driven out) alongside everything that could become useful for them, in the long run (like additional Keyblade Wielders to add to their ranks), starting their newfound journey for real, then.



Which I definitely would've liked to bring to full conclusions here, but seeing how far I've already managed coming into this, again, I'm afraid that what relatively little's still left at this point will just simply not fit anymore.

Again, I'm quite sorry for that; where it not for all those explanation-based matters, this would've ended all the sooner. At least we did come to start with KH3's plot in its very early stages now, so next time will not only put more focus onto same one, but truly end this entire series for real, then.

So, until then...



  • Listening to: various
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*Warning, heavy spoilers ahead, read at your own risk, latestely here*

Alright friends, after a brief pause following a strong headache and quick recovery through sleep, it's here now I'll continue with where I left off the day before (or rather those 13-14 hours since having released the previous entry by the time I'm publishing this ^^; ). For those who haven't read the previous entry as of yet, you may find it here:


Kingdom Hearts 3: Plot - Part I (Aquanort + Other)*Warning, heavy spoilers ahead, read at your own risk*
Alright, friends, as promised (somewhat), starting today I'll begin letting you in on Kingdom Hearts 3's plot as far as this timeline's amount of information revealed so far ultimately happens to allow - you know, following most recent explanations on why doing so fully now could have disastrous consequences otherwise - aka

and, following that, we "can't have [us] causing any temporal paradoxes", after all. :rofl:
Well, since seemingly only little amount of people showed actual interest in me doing this (seriously would've wished at least a few more voting on my poll telling of this, but nope not going down that path, again :shrug: ), I'm gonna do this in a more restraint summarized manner now than what I originally had in mind (though considering my still not overcome overblowing-tendencies grinding much on people's nerves, I guess that's for the better :shrug: ).
Also, to at least ease thin


And while afromentioned first part would mainly focus on backgrounds leading into KH3 in lights of what initial factors would play into Aqua ultimately being corrupted enough to the point of allowing Xehanort effectively possessing her within same main game now instead of previously proclaimed pre-established plot-summary, this very part happens to be the real deal now, a true outlook what's going to happen in KH3 as far as current stands of time happen to allow following way earlier explanations upon the matter

I apparantly 'did a thing' - Me and Kingdom Heartsor, alternatively... "I am a time traveler!"


Good day, friends. This journal - as you can see - is gonna be quite different from many past ones - a surely refreshing experience for once for the many of you as for me, though this admittably still remains something of an unusual course for me to sail through.
In fact, I normally wouldn't even do this - at least talking about something so 'casual' in my eyes when it comes towards my connections/experiences with the Kingdom Hearts series (at least not anymore for quite some years now for many a reason).
This one, however, I really feel the need to return the call, especially since it indirectly happens to concern me this time around - that and many people having come towards me and inquiring me about it leading towards doing this now.
And since I've been reminded time and time, again about my too long-getting journals - also with special thanks towards an equally special friend on this one - from here o


(yeah, still bringing that one up :trollface: - and in case of growing annoyed by same one, while understanding, still, sue me, I haven't had this much fun in years now, actually, so leave me a bit of this very pleasure now, will you?)

This, naturally, also including many brought forward explanations towards many important plot-points and elements supposedly appearing unconnected thus far, especially when it comes towards my assumingly boisterious claims briefly brought up within the previous part in regards towards the eponymous "Key to Return Hearts", what final act would effectively be undertaken for Aqua to ultimately end up as another puppet for Xehanort and, finally, Ventus supposedly ending up as final member of the True Organization XIII as well now.

Finally, in attempts to once again structurize this overall entry a bit better than past ones, this will roughly lay out how we're to proceed with this entire topic at hand:


1. Generals (Stand of things before KH3's plot + general explanations)

1.1. Events already known
1.2. General stand of things right before KH3's plot

2. Main Plot of KH3

2.1. First half
2.2. Second half


So for those already wanting to read ahead of how KH3's plot ultimately happens to come to pass, you may simply jump ahead towards that very point then (though it may dependingly fall more easier reading things in chronical full order, but that ultimately being left to you, in the end ^^; ).

So, with that said, let's start now:



1. Generals (Stand of things before KH3's plot + general explanations)
1.1. Events already known

So, in reflections towards the very endings of Dream Drop Distance and 0.2, we generally find ourselves in the situation that

1. Master Xehanort has returned in his old-bodied self alongside the formation of a new Organization made up entirely of varying versions of himself either through possession (= placing parts of his heart within them each) or the utilization of time travel; same Organization currently consisting of 12 members, with the attempts of marking Sora as 13th and final vessel having ultimately failed through the hands of the latter's friends.

=> the formation of same Organization ultimately being part of his master plan to reforge the X-Blade through pitting 13 wielders of pure darkness (again, entirely made up through versions of himself possessing such qualities) against 7 pure lights - in that case either the Princesses of Heart or 7 Guardians of Light (as in Keyblade Wielders) - all for the sake of using same reforged X-Blade then to supposedly unlock Kingdom Hearts and initiate another Keyblade War for the reason of battling for the light within the heart of all worlds and, upon gaining knowledge of how that event would play out and lead towards the reform of the universe in the first place, then use same one to ultimately refit same universe in his image, in the end.

2. Keyblade Masters Mickey and (former) Yen Sid, even in spite of knowing of playing into Xehanort's hands by doing this, but not really being left much of choice in that regard either, in turn respond to this by resolving to train and prepare 7 Guardians of Light now to supposedly protect the Princesses of Heart and counter the threat even if doubtful they may ultimately be able to prevent the Keyblade War from taking place, in the end.

=> as parts of the preparation process, Yen Sid had already initiated a Mark of Mastery exam way before eventually gaining full knowledge of this turn of events for Sora and Riku to supposedly counter Xehanort's threat of which he'd ultimately name only the latter a true full Master then at the end of Dream Drop Distance with supposedly newfound powers and abilities found within the passing of that title ultimately needed to have a rudimentary chance of standing up to Xehanort effectively, with Sora regardlessly to follow soon from there

=> naturally needing more Keyblade Wielders and subsequent Masters to form up their 7 Guardians of Light next to Sora, Riku and Mickey, Yen Sid would ultimately recruit Axel/Lea and Kairi into the group and have them train together under Merlin to ultimately master their abilities over their Keyblades, in the end, while still supposedly seeking out more Keyblade Wielders all the same - at least to help in said formation of same group partially, but also in slight possibility of supposedly gaining enough in hopes of unbalancing Xehanort's previously set-up gambit in regards to his anticipated 7 lights, in the end - in that case heavily aspiring in adding Terra, Aqua and Ven to their group and free them of  their state of suffering inflicted upon by Master Xehanort over a decade earlier alongside Roxas and Xion who, too, would fall victim towards one of his alternate selves in one way or another - all with the help of Ansem the Wise's data ultimately provided to the heroes in his own special way, in the end

=> following his initial fall to darkness and sleep thanks to Young Xehanort's machinations in the Dream Worlds, Sora would find himself bereft of many of his abilities (yet again :lick: ), with Yen Sid in turn instructing him, now accompanied by Donald and Goofy again, to supposedly travel to Olympus Coliseum and train with Hercules there in hopes of quickly regaining his full strenght, again, while sending Riku and Mickey out earlier to ultimately find their way back into the Realm of Darkness and retrieve/rescue Aqua from there


That's what generally happens to be long-known now without doubt.

Everything that happens to follow from here on will finally start tapping into the so-long proclaimed plot of KH3 now:



1.2. General stand of things right before KH3's plot

So, in reflections towards the just disclosed, this is where we ultimately find ourselves now right before the start of KH3 - with me making use of already pre-released official plot descriptions on SE's end to underline same one then:

1. (released around 2013)

Believing light and darkness must remain in balance, Master Xehanort seeks to spark war against the 'tyranny of light' to restore equilibrium.

In an effort to undermine Xehanort's plot, Sora, Donald and Goofy search for seven guardians of light and the "Key to Return Hearts," while King Mickey and Riku search for previous Keyblade wielders.

2. (released this month) Having learned that all their struggles thus far were engineered by Master Xehanort in his plot to start another Keyblade War, Sora and his friends continue their search for seven guardians of light capable of standing against the coming darkness. King Mickey and Riku seek out Keyblade veterans from the past, while Sora, Donald, and Goofy begin a new odyssey across Disney worlds to claim the "power of waking."

In that case the "power of waking" and "Key to Return Hearts" meaning the same thing as you'll soon come to understand from here.


Still, in lights to that, we happen to find ourselves with the following 5 front-/plot-lines right at the start of KH3 now:

1. Sora, Donald and Goofy travelling to Olympus Coliseum to seek out and train with Hercules for the sake of the former gaining all his abilities, again, in a quick manner alongside new ones

2. Riku and Mickey travelling into the Realm of Darkness to supposedly rescue Aqua

3. Axel/Lea and Kairi training under Merlin

4. Xehanort's Organization seeking to complete their ranks through various means alongside two other important quests to be explained soon

5. Maleficent and Pete undergoing their own measures to obtain absolute world domination through seeking out items of legend last experienced in the age of fairytales - initially the Book of Prophecies (or connections thereof) ultimately turned towards seeking out a 'certain black box' that supposedly happens to contain all the answers to achieve that very goal within


By that point of time, the Light Side (= Guardians) would officially come to consist of (independing of state of mastery now):

1. Sora
2. Riku
3. Kairi
4. Axel/Lea
5. Mickey

With, again, having held high anticipations of Terra, Aqua, Ven, Roxas and Xion to be added in some form of capacity within same one or in general, in the end (but that matter to be soon cleared from here). What they're all supposedly going after having roughly been outlined earlier (again, by the start of KH3, with subsequent quests to be focused on once truly going through KH3's plot then)


Meanwhile, Xehanort's Organization would set itself up through the following members (half already known by the time of Dream Drop Distance, the rest eventually revealed over the course of KH3 itself) (listing them up here the way they've officially been moved into focus/introduced throughout the series in regards to the first six (aside of MX generally acting as de-facto leader of the group in general) and the way they've come up within KH3 trailers in chronical order; also briefly leaving Aqua out of here as well following, again, this very premise's nature in general):

1. Master Xehanort
2. Ansem (Xehanort's Heartless)
3. Xemnas
4. Xigbar
5. Saix
6. Young Xehanort
7. Marluxia
8. Vanitas
9. Larxene
10. Luxord
11. Riku Replica
12. * (to be left open on my end for speculation on yours :trollface: )
13. / (left unfilled as of yet)


In many of their case, their (newfound) alignment to Xehanort would be well-displayed through many of them already spotting signs of possession to them since CoM onward (regarding members of the old Organization now), especially in regards to Larxene and Luxord.

In general, fans so far remained a bit divided upon the reasons of Xehanort's rather... curious choice of certain members either in general as in case of Luxord or having attempted to betray his alternate self Xemnas in the past as happens to be the case of Larxene and Marluxia or if they even are truly members of his Organization in the first place out of them not possessing any signs of possession to them as of yet as happens to be the case to Marluxia and especially Repliku earlier (with you most likely being even more divided upon me including same one towards the list in the first place; not to worry, though, your concerns will (hopefully) soon be eased from here).


Well, from a certain point of view, that's certainly true without a doubt.

However, regarding Marluxia and Larxene, one mustn't forget one important factor way back in CoM/DDD - as in that Xemnas's entire Organization had based itself on falseness and deceit, hiding its true purpose from many of its members (aside of Xigbar and Saix that is) who, while not 'in' on it, would certainly be aware of something greater going on beyond their understanding that in all likeliness was not in their best interest as prominently Luxord would come to note over the course of 358/2 Days, hence leading towards many members' attempts to overthrow their superior as had been the case with afromentioned traitors and Saix at one point (alongside other factors, of course ^^; ).

Now, however, circumstances happen to be different, with Xehanort's Organization operating in an entire different, much more 'open' manner, with all their setups and goals known from the beginning which, consequently, would make it far more feasible for Marluxia and Larxene to (re-)'join' same one, again, especially if they happen to be taken-in/recruited for their very desires/qualities, respectively (in Marluxia's case preying on his ability to (re-)wield his own Keyblade, in Larxene's for her sadism in general) (as to why Luxord of all people would come to end up in same Organization now if already known since the foreshadowing of the chess-match between Xehanort and Eraqus respectively, while not shed much light upon beforehand, would rather come to place out of him eventually having come to learn upon the true purpose of the original Organization while then still having been part of, but having seen/found himself entangled far too deep within same one's schemes and actions against the worlds he took part in, having perceived himself as too far gone by that point to ultimately redeem himself/go out of things unscatched, hence having resigned himself to his ultimate fate among other then) (as in the case of why 'choosing' Repliku to become part of his new Organization? Well, simply keep in mind what Xehanort's Heartless used to describe him as towards the original deal, that should already answer it for you :lick: ).


The fact that, unlike all other cases revealed before, Marluxia and Repliku would not come to sport yellow/golden eyes/other signs of possession towards them yet would be out of 2 important reasons to be kept in mind - one of them being the less significant factor of their state of possession simply not having processed as far yet as the others, but also for the more significant reason of them still possessing a great amount of resistance towards Xehanort as of yet, having not given themselves over to Xehanort willingly in their entirety aside of initial initiations (or having been completely overturned and corrupted by then), hence still so - especially in regards to Repliku, this is going to become important for later on.


So, that cleared, returning towards the group in its entirety, same one would find itself faced with two superficial main objectives to carry out under the instructions of their superior (= Master Xehanort mainly) by the start of KH3 (later joined by a third during the course of same one) thrice to superficially fulfill same objectives, keep themselves as their adversaries occupied and bid their time until the final clash and finally and most important keep said ones distracted while Master Xehanort himself would go after entire different true ones himself in the meantime; to ultimately hide said ones from the heroes for as long as possible. Said objectives in general happen to be

1. Undergo all means - experimental as otherwise - that'd ultimately lead towards the completion of their ranks

2. Seek out the new Princesses of Heart as parts of their earlier elaborated on 'back-up plan'


Now this latter objective might appear surprising at first for the many of you, since - up to most recently - it was supposedly believed the PoH would remain a fixed position and thus, in overall, reduntant having to focus on them until the last act or so when Xehanort would successfully complete his new Organization.

However, even that happens to come with a well-placed explanation within foreshadowed way back within the 1st game aside of demographical reasons.


Perhaps many of you might remember this very scene where Maleficent would prematurely use the original Princesses of Heart to unveil the Final Keyhole(?):



As already stated many times officially now as otherwise, supposedly, Princesses of Hearts happen to sport hearts of pure light to them, no darkness to be found within.

Well, since pure - as in purity - would mostly be linked towards 'fairness' and 'virginity' (in a different context here :lick: ), what Maleficent basically did here in that very moment was actually forcing herself upon them through sheer darkness-driven selfishness which, in that context, would and should be counted as basically raping them, actually (if, again, in a different context, but still no less so), berefting them for both their hearts and those very pure qualities found within to ultimately fall into the hands of Xehanort's Heartless forging the Keyblade of Heart out of them (thus actually continuing what Maleficent already started then).

Once released, the hearts would be returned to their rightful owners, but with their qualities mostly diminished by then, only maintaining a small amount of their original powers by then used to repell (repeat, repell, not diminish, even if admittably difficult either way had they still kept all of their powers then) the darkness spreading out from the Final Keyhole and later on upgrade some of Sora's abilities, before eventually fading away over time, hence also their decreasing importance in their original incarnation in subsequent titles aside of BBS in a way, to be ultimately taken in by other fair maidens now which the Lights found within the original group have effectively chosen now after having had to abandon the original ones following the entire deal with said overall Final Keyhole, hence also Xehanort having to 'relocate' them now as part of his new Organization's working schedule.

And finally, as for Kairi still being a Princess of Heart even in spite of all of this, you supposedly have to keep in mind that her heart had been inside of Sora's at the time, meaning she was never subjected towards the same kind of 'evil' the other Princesses had to endure, having chosen her... host, for lack of more uplifting descriptions here ^^; by her own volition, her own will(/consent in that context ^^; ) then, the same going for her ending up trapped within the Keyblade of Heart which, again, she didn't as, unlike Maleficent (somewhat) and Xehanort's Heartless, Sora never intented her to be trapped within that very blade or to (ab-)use her for supposedly selfish gain, his entire line of actions supposedly having been an act of true love out of having sacrificed himself all for the sake of rescuing her above all else, having had her powers complete the Keyhole then, yes, but only as a necessary side-effect of then unchangable circumstances, hence her still keeping on to that very state even to this day now.



And well, that brings us towards the premature completion of all factors to be set up before continuing on with the very plot of KH3 in itself now.

Unfortunately, however, as had been the case with the release date of the main game in itself now, I'm afraid that, having taken so much text now to supposedly cover up all those very instances now, the one you've been (eagerly?) awaiting now can't be completed within this one, having to move up things into a 3rd and final part now. I'm really sorry for this turn of events (albeit finding it all the more hilarious yet still shameful now following the same trend as dear Nomura now).

At least, though, it fits having things be completed in a 3rd part then - and at least I can promise that said 3rd part will truly bring up the very main plot in question then without further delay as well as being the final one of its kind, then.


Well, to soon be continued from here...


  • Listening to: various
  • Reading: /
  • Watching: /
  • Playing: /
  • Eating: /
  • Drinking: various
*Warning, heavy spoilers ahead, read at your own risk*

Alright, friends, as promised (somewhat), starting today I'll begin letting you in on Kingdom Hearts 3's plot as far as this timeline's amount of information revealed so far ultimately happens to allow - you know, following most recent explanations on why doing so fully now could have disastrous consequences otherwise - aka


I apparantly 'did a thing' - Me and Kingdom Heartsor, alternatively... "I am a time traveler!"


Good day, friends. This journal - as you can see - is gonna be quite different from many past ones - a surely refreshing experience for once for the many of you as for me, though this admittably still remains something of an unusual course for me to sail through.
In fact, I normally wouldn't even do this - at least talking about something so 'casual' in my eyes when it comes towards my connections/experiences with the Kingdom Hearts series (at least not anymore for quite some years now for many a reason).
This one, however, I really feel the need to return the call, especially since it indirectly happens to concern me this time around - that and many people having come towards me and inquiring me about it leading towards doing this now.
And since I've been reminded time and time, again about my too long-getting journals - also with special thanks towards an equally special friend on this one - from here o

and, following that, we "can't have [us] causing any temporal paradoxes", after all. :rofl:


Well, since seemingly only little amount of people showed actual interest in me doing this (seriously would've wished at least a few more voting on my poll telling of this, but nope not going down that path, again :shrug: ), I'm gonna do this in a more restraint summarized manner now than what I originally had in mind (though considering my still not overcome overblowing-tendencies grinding much on people's nerves, I guess that's for the better :shrug: ).

Also, to at least ease things a bit and prevent having to read through too much text in one sitting, I'm gonna split this overall topic into 2 parts, the 2nd to be released either later on or tomorrow depending on mood among other - with the first part establishing some general explanations mainly evolving around the true circumstances behind the possession of Aqua and drop some other significant plot-related elements in advance, before ultimately lining them up towards the true plot-summarization of KH3 in Part II, then.

So, with that out of the way, let's start here:



1. Aqua's Possession

https://orig00.deviantart.net/8c01/f/2015/120/2/a/aquanort_by_shifter_of_reality-d8rnyv2.jpg

So, everyone having closely followed most recent KH3 developements now happen to definitely now this 'twist' of sorts - that Aqua's ultimately fallen to darkness, though with minds remaining greatly divided whenever Aqua truly ended up becoming another 'Xehanort' or 'merely' succumbed to darkness within her heart or, ultimately, the Realm of Darkness simply playing up the 'illusion card' on Riku and Mickey.

So, while undoubtedly many great theories by themselves, close looks at happenstances leave little room for any other outcomes than the fact that Aqua truly became another member of the Thirteen Seekers of Darkness - not the 13th as I'm gonna clarify here now in spite of what I said in the previous journal to supposedly lead you astray, no that spot happens to be reserved for the one it was originally meant to be, if not the same person, ultimately (yeah, I also can channel my 'inner Nomura' you guys :trollface: ), but still a member.

First of, let's take a look at how she looks like

https://i.ytimg.com/vi/XxFj3MqTeX4/maxresdefault.jpg

So far, no one that'd dabble too much within the darkness would ultimately gain those yellow/golden eyes alone or any other 'features' for that matter aside of pointy ears - (Master) Xehanort already possessed them long before giving himself to darkness, subsequently gaining said pointy ears after doing as well as Ansem the Wise (if more going in the red section, but still). Everyone else sporting yellow/golden eyes ever since would ultimately be revealed to be part of Xehanort's gang at any point (safe for Maleficent, but her being a different case).

And if that in itself is not enough, the fact that Aqua's hair would turn more silver-like should latestely give it away that she ended up in his clutches after all.


Also, regarding the overall 'Realm of Darkness' playing the 'illusion card' on Riku and Mickey, all of their locations would place them within the Dark Margins, a beach like end station at the end of the world where - at any point - never came any 'illusionary' event to pass following its admittably eerie, but still tranquil nature (no the bottle Sora and Riku would receive in KH2 not counting here for being real among other), so that, too, ultimately happens to be jossable.

So that leaves, but only one conclusion - that Aqua ultimately ended up as another pawn for Xehanort. And that is no accident either as this was a calculated move on Xehanort's part long beforehand from Birth by Sleep's end onward.



But how did he do it, you may wonder?

Why, through Xemnas of course.


And how would the latter ultimately manage to do it?

The same way he had with Sora in Dream Drop Distance, but far longer and far more subtle.


A relatively subtle hint for this happens to be in the way the Realm of Darkness in itself happens to work - supposedly as a Bizzarro Realm where the laws of physics have no meaning and reality can be bend at any time without warning - all for the sake to ultimately break the wills of those unfortunate to end up within same one as Aqua had.

And who else happens to be a great reality warper and corrupter all the same (even moreso than Xehanort's Heartless)?


Yes, Xemnas. Granted, the overall 'bizzarro realm shifting' thing was not of his sole doing, but that doesn't mean he at least didn't have had a hand in same one - especially concering those illusions of Ventus and Terra Aqua continously would come to encounter throughout her journey throughout the destroyed realms.

In fact, let's briefly talk about the scene where Aqua supposedly meets Terra in Enchanted Dominion:



The whole truth behind same encounter happens to be that, once Terra supposedly would be overcome by 'Xehanort', Aqua hadn't been talking with same 'Xehanort' all along, but actually with Xemnas appearing in the shape of Terranort. It's actually brought up within same scene beforehand where Terra explains to her that he supposedly appears to her the way she in turn happens to remember him while he himself happens to be 'changed' now. Since Xemnas essentially happens to be Terra's body formed into a Nobody + former possession of Xehanort, what Aqua would've otherwise encountered there and then would've actually been Terra in appearance of Xemnas (just with his normal eyes and Xemnas hairstyle).

Also this is supposedly the true reason why the dev-team made a point interrupting 'Terranort' revealing his name to Aqua as he'd have ultimately given it away as Xemnas there and then. The later instance where 'Terranort' Xemnas would proclaim that "[Terra] would become one with darkness now" in turn was the doings of Master Xehanort himself then hijacking same one's body for a brief moment the same way he had done with his younger incarnation in Dream Drop Distance during his boss fight with Riku.


By this point, while all nice and fine so far, you may still remain unconvinced as of yet, since there still happen to remain 2 main questions unanswered as of yet (or, at least not fully explained as of yet) - the main one here now surely being:

How could Xemnas have corrupted Aqua or even had accessibility towards her in the first place when not directly being in the Realm of Darkness himself or not following her as he had done so thoroughly with Sora in Dream Drop Distance?

Well, sure, he wasn't there in the Realm of Darkness himself directly (even though he could as 358/2 Days gave away at one point) as in the Dream Worlds and yet both times he had a common element he could 'link' himself towards his 'target of choice'.

What was it in case of Sora?

https://www.nintendoworldreport.com/media/29729/4/1.jpg

The Recusant's Sigil, aka the 'X' on his clothes.

Now, what was it in the case of Aqua?

https://vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/kingdom-hearts/images/6/6b/Schl%C3%BCsselschwert_R%C3%BCstung_%28Aqua%29_BBS.png/revision/latest?cb=20130503222531&path-prefix=de

Yes, her armor.

Even when having been forced to sacrifice same one alongside her Keyblade doesn't mean Aqua's still not connected to them, just unable in calling back on them.

And it's that very link Xemnas hacked himself on and exploited to ultimately serve his own ends (not so unlike Vanitas had done towards Ventus during their final battle when the former would force himself as a D-Link onto Ventus; now guess what Xemnas and Aqua also have in common when it comes to such things? :plotting: ).

All those supposed 'conversations' he's held with 'her' during his more or less regular trips towards the Chamber of Repose? Those where not (or, rather, not 'merely') attempts figuring out how to find/access the Chamber of Waking, but also to slowly and subtly plant seeds of dark into Aqua's heart especially over the course of 358/2 Days up to KH2, stepping up on his game in especially those later stages then out of sensing his eventual end at the hands of the heroes of light, ultimately. That's what he's mostly been going after behind the scenes in 358/2 Days and why he wouldn't been shown largely involving himself with the rest of the old Organization for the most part and what he had been up to alongside less time-consuming projects. And that's also the reason Aqua would still appear rather 'ok' (= uncorrupted) towards the secret ending of BBS taking place shortly after KH2, if rather, again, outwardly, her state of heart/mind being an entire different manner then out of Xemnas having subtly filled her heart with seeds of doubt and darkness over the span those 1-2 years give or take (though since also especially Xigbar would note that not even great corrupters like Xehanort could supposedly 'put stuff in [one's] head', those seeds of doubt rather happen to be mere 'suggestions' to the likes of how Xemnas would try to plans similiar seeds of doubt into Sora and Riku during the penultimate stage of his final battle, covering this loose end as well now) (and finally, this is also the full true reason among many other why Master Xehanort wasn't disappointed, even unphased, actually, when Lea and the rest of the heroes of light thwarted his plans turning Sora into the supposed final member of his Organization as he already had Aqua as 'back up'; but more to that in the 2nd Part)


And that happens to be the full true extend of how 'Xehanort'/Xemnas ultimately managed in corrupting Aqua over time alongside the Realm of Darkness to the point they eventually had easy game taking that very last measure that'd ultimately result in her newfound state of possession now.


Now then, this only leaves, but one final question regarding her - and that happens to be:

Corruption all nice and good, but how did actually Xehanort take her in now by the time of KH3?


Well, this will remain the one thing I'm not going to answer here now as that'll supposedly mark part of the plot-summarization found within the next part ultimately.


And since this journal managed turning much longer, again, than anticipated, many of those 'other elements' I ultimately wanted to more thoroughly bring up/explain will instead be done within same next Part now, though I'm at least going to drop some hints in advance now what further elements and twists may be found uncovered within same one then:


1. Sora will become the thirteenth member of Xehanort's Organization, after all. Or, more precisely, rather than him directly, someone closely linked to him will be - and that happens to be Ventus.


https://orig00.deviantart.net/bc91/f/2018/164/5/a/ventusnort_by_shifter_of_reality-dce9q3m.png

(Yes that edit I did a few days ago btw.)


2.The Keyblade Aqua happens to pick up at the end of the most recent KH3 trailer happens to be the mysterious yet eponymous "Key to Return Hearts" in a somewhat literal metaphor, possessing special qualities to it only matched to the likes of the X-Blade in its inferior state and which is what the villains happen to be after all simeaultanously - as in the Nortization next to their 13th member for a time and Maleficent, actually, if unknowing at the time.

https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQ-wZ3c7sF62dZgwIdr0jIbKzyp2JnO8PXJzzTgD9RmknQBpmz1jw


Only to name up 2 of those very twists and plot-developements in advance now, with their eventual uncovering to follow soon from here...



So, happy chewing on in the meantime, I guess... ^^; :trollface:
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or, alternatively... "I am a time traveler!"

Good day, friends. This journal - as you can see - is gonna be quite different from many past ones - a surely refreshing experience for once for the many of you as for me, though this admittably still remains something of an unusual course for me to sail through.

In fact, I normally wouldn't even do this - at least talking about something so 'casual' in my eyes when it comes towards my connections/experiences with the Kingdom Hearts series (at least not anymore for quite some years now for many a reason).

This one, however, I really feel the need to return the call, especially since it indirectly happens to concern me this time around - that and many people having come towards me and inquiring me about it leading towards doing this now.

And since I've been reminded time and time, again about my too long-getting journals - also with special thanks towards an equally special friend on this one - from here on, all potential journal entries will be truly sorted in certain categories now for better orientation in case of same one's indeed getting too long then, again.


So for those coming here from alternative plattforms and merely wanting to read my answers for same questions of theirs, you may simply jump ahead towards the section marked with Answers.

For everyone else, I'm gonna start with a brief insight about what today's journal's supposedly about, actually, before jumping towards afromentioned section then, aka:


1. Brief insight about today's journal
2. Answers


Alright, with that clear, let's start:



1. Brief insight about today's journal

So, to make things short, it's mostly about recent developements within the Kingdom Hearts series - aka the long awaited Kingdom Hearts 3 that's finally (at least hopefully, given this one's long history now :shrug: ) gonna be released on 29th Jan 2019.

On my end, even if not having played much of the games anymore - the most recent one having actually been Dream Drop Distance after all now the previous year (the still 3DS title, not the 2.8 one - that one having only watched) - I still kept a close eye on same one's developements, especially for said third title now whose release I'm as eagerly awaiting as all KH-fans at large. :boogie:

Well, at least for the most part, since I have taken a bit of a break keeping on track on same one since the Monster Inc. Trailer released some months ago.

However, today I found myself rather overwhelmed with many messages (a quite rarity now following my still maintained 'exile' of sorts) concerning a certain... 'edit' I once did.


Many of you that've been watching me for many years now will most likely get quicker what I'm about to get at - for those not or having forgotten in the meantime (don't worry, I forgive you :D ), not to worry, for I'm about to 'enlighten you' about same one now :lick:


So, apparantly, it all happens to come down to this very edit I once did:

https://orig00.deviantart.net/8c01/f/2015/120/2/a/aquanort_by_shifter_of_reality-d8rnyv2.jpg - or, alternatively - https://orig00.deviantart.net/b521/f/2015/120/7/2/aquanort_alternate_by_shifter_of_reality-d8rnzs7.jpg

Having done the two of them since 2010 or so I believe - certainly however a short while after the release of Birth by Sleep back then and my very playthrough through it, having edited same one out of fun alongside some others like Kairi and Namine to see how they'd look like when under the possession of Xehanort, having ultimately removed same edits from this account and 'transferred over' towards an alternative one around 2012 or so where they can still be found to this day (however, even now I'll purposely not name said account here and would kindly ask for same ones coming over from same one not to spill any beans here; preferring said one to stay as sort of public sta.sh account of sorts without much hussle (especially out of long changed interests ever since); for those already knowing about said one, kudos to you, but to please follow the same rules then... I know I can be picky about such rules ^^; ).

Up to quite recently (= less than a day), they would remain of little interest towards anyone (me included).

However, today I unexpectedly found myself facing quite some many comments there all of the sudden, having at first not understood what the entire commotion's been about.

But then, I was ultimately brought up to speed with newfound developements found within KH3 through a just freshly new released trailer and... well, I'll let it speak for itself for anyone daring to watch same one (*warning* from this point onward heavy spoilers ahead; read/watch only at your own risk):



So yeah, without sugarcoating here, this definitely has been the most shocking KH3-related trailer I've ever seen thus far - and considering what many already 'shocking elements' I/we've came to face up prior to this point, that's really saying something.

Not only's Larxene back serving within the New Organization XIII alongside Marluxia and Vanitas now (or Nortization as I'm most likely going to continue from here :XD: ) (in her case, however, definitely undoubtable out of her eyes having the same colorization as Xehanort's now), but now Aqua's ultimately become part of same Organization as well now. :fear:


And that's the very thing that happens to link "that" event towards "this", with many people having inquired me about now how I've seemingly come to predict this very plot-point now (independing on my earlier claimed 'fun-based reason' back then), with me ultimately moving ahead now towards:



2. Answers

Well, I thought this one to be obvious.

I happen to be a time-traveler - with similiar travelling abilities to the likes of Young Xehanort, but different; having quite more restrictions when it comes to such (even writing this could already lead towards the End of the World as we know it :XD: ). And through same abilities I've already come to know about the plot of Dream Drop Distance long before it even came out.

And so, yes, I also already happen to know how KH3's ultimately gonna end, with me and fans in 'near' future having already seen the first trailer for KH4 (and if you think KH3's gonna blow your mind in regards to plot and the like, just wait until you reach that very timeline when the first KH4 trailer's gonna come out :fear: ) as well as many things having changed around the world by then and- :rofl:

Nope, sorry, can't carry this on with such a serious tune. :rofl:



Alright, seriously, again, when it comes to Aqua now, this one's really just pure coincidence (though yet at the same time, actually not too surprising in hindsight now seeing that Aqua's been subjected towards heavy amounts of darkness + trauma through about 10 years of being trapped within the Realm of Darkness by then (independingly on flow of time within same realm) and Xehanort ultimately having known her to be there following 0.2's happenstances, hence having had such an easy game over her now (and I even further call on this having already been known since at least Dream Drop Distance, if not KH2 actually, out of a 'certain hunch' I have on such things as to be better explained shortly - in that case referring Xemnas speaking with Aqua's armor in KH2, but especially towards Master Xehanort's line of "one of the guardians belonging to him now" - with me ultimately claiming here he hadn't been referring towards Terra as many would've come to believe back then, but Aqua - with her most likely being the 13th darkness now he sought out so long, hence additionally having had little problem losing towards the gang in DDD then as he already had her on his list by that point then, ultimately!)

HOWEVER, that doesn't mean I didn't indeed come to - as many of you would call it - 'predict' some elements to take place within the KH-universe long before they'd ultimately be confirmed officially.

Though with 'predict' I don't mean features to the likes of a newfound Frozen world now - seriously, everyone including me predicted this one to be popping up within KH3 most likely, so that one doesn't count (too bad I now really have to watch same movie now to truly get into it once wanting to play said game for real then; that as well as Zootopia not to be featured within KH3 as of yet, to be reserved for... nope, not gonna bring this up, again :rofl: ) - but truly plot-related elements in a rather 'roundabout way' as you're about to see soon from here.



To be honest, I don't know why this happens to be the case - and in spite of what I'm about to do now, I don't want to come off in any way as supposedly egocentric nor narcisstic when telling this as there regardlessly happen to be many as passionate KH fans out there as me who also happen to be much more insightful on such things than me or have already done such things long beforehand, so not wanting to rub off on anyone badly here. ^^;

But still, perhaps the reason I can do such happens to be either that I just happen to be so observent towards such fine-detailed nuances or, what I perceive to be more the reason, I happen to have much more in common with the great creator Nomura himself than first believed, hence - perhaps not always 100%, but still quite close - being somewhat able in  predicting some of same one's plot-plans to a certain extend, with this one having greatly bothered me since the times of the release of Dream Drop Distance out of same one coming up with stuff I'd come to bring up first for my own KH-related supposed 'semi-canon' plot-developements in either mind or direct action before ultimately being outgambitted by same one, in the end.

One such example would be - this one supposedly only in the known for those watching me for many years now and having taken their time reading same ones - in relations towards this old series of mine

KH Connected - Bonded PathsLight of Radiance, a world full of Light and home world to many Keyblade Masters. This world already was responsibility for many famous events.
In the 1st TG-War, it was the place where Demon tried to conquer it, but failed against Master Hāto, what lead him to unlock the Master's heart and use it as his own, only to lose it, again after he battled against Cockerell at the world of Mirus.
Demon also let the world being consumed by his darkness. But thanks to Master Cockerell, the world could be freed, again.
Light of Radiance also used to be the battlefield between Master Cockerell and Contractor as latter tried to free Demon himself, but failed in the attempt and instead manipulated Aramuil to betray his Master and steal Demon from him at the night of his coronation.
Since this, a long time has passed.
Today, we write one year after Aramuil began his quest to reawake Demon from his icy prison. Cockerell's dead and Demon bac


- in reflections towards Xerxis - an OC that, out of regardlessy bit of a poor-writing skill back then, would heavily take after Axel in many regards, with same OC ultimately ending up with a Keyblade himself then (if through different plot-reasons than in DDD).

Yeah, and in case of doubt or accusing me of stealing ideas, check the date I ultimately uploaded same piece then - 2010, approximately 2 years before DDD's release date (and that's also the very reason, against initial plans, why I won't rewrite/update same old stories now after all; so I can still keep on to that claim of mine with proper proof then).

Another example, if unreleased all this time (which I'm willing to accept in case of you not believing me this one), would be the very concept of Xehanort's Thirteen Seekers of Darkness in relations towards my OCs Demon and towards same one's Omega Organization serving under him; if definitely not the same way as same Nortization would come to be conceived, but still quite close in its most basic structure (though for personal reasons I'll refrain getting closer into detail from here unless absolutely necessary) - this only being 2 such examples of how I ultimately came to tap into same plot of DDD long before it came out, with KH3 most likely ending up the same in that regard, ultimately.

In fact, if wanted, even in spite of supposedly not being able in time-traveling in advance after all (:XD:), I still would moste likely be able in pinning down at least some rough directions of how things are ultimately going to end in KH3.

However, again, I don't want to come off as narcisstic nor egocentric on this overall matter and I'm quite sorry and apologize as equally thoroughly in case this happens to be perceived by you this way, after all; just having tried my best answering those very questions of some to my best ability and how I've come to perceive them over the years.



So yeah, that's basically my answer towards all having asked me about this very aspect. Whenever same one remains satisfying now or not, I obviously cannot say, especially in regards towards just brought up 'narcisstic' aspect which, in case of getting called out on same one after all, I'll humbly accept, if not largely react to such out of not caring enough to do so, but still not escaping me either. Either way, I'll hold myself up for possible Q&As the next time ahead.


So, sorry this journal's been getting a bit longer, again, but at least this should cover up this matter for good now... :shrug:


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So, today's no 'special date' of sorts that'd influence in me in replacing my soon already 3 months, again, outdated last entry of sorts and perhaps for the first time since... forever, I believe (^^;), you actually don't have to fear an overdragging and overall "empty" entry of sorts as I feel like trying out something different for once - that and me not expecting in receiving much feedback upon it either way, for more or less understandable reasons.

Anyway, in regards to the actual update-part of sorts here, things scream the same cringey routine of sorts as most other cases in the past, save for mostly 'minor' exceptions - those, in overall, being (new ones to be written like this then):

1. My 'headquarters' still remaining unchanged - definitely a bothersome problem in not being able setting up all of my proper equipment back to properly work with coloring-programs and the like, again (at least I would still remain on drawing-practice so as to not loose it as well, in the process) and actually improve for a good deal, in the meantime) - but for many a reason/requiremnent yet to be met (the latter making much more sense in the following point), it's tolerable for me for the time being

2. Still jobless - in regards to a 'real' one, I mean, not my side-job of sorts where the earnings in question happen to be, but a complete joke when it comes to 'self-sustainment' - but at least regardlessly secured through my continued studies for the time being (this, however, truly to become a problem when being done in about 2 years time now once being done and me not managing solving this issue of sorts 'til then... but I guess as well 'tolerable' for now :shrug: )

3. Still tinkering on with many a project - definitely my big 'writing task' I prominently mentioned in most recent journal entries (which I hope to definitely be able in solving for good this year - even better if within the next months ahead, but well... :shrug: ) - but also a good deal of ones behind the shadows, but their features never to be unveiled unless looking carefully around (or, in many a case, such as only prominently doing now with :iconmentalcrash: , me actually 'allowing' the showcase of such involvements on my end, ultimately)

4. My overall emotional-developements of sorts having mostly improved in regards to past ailings and the like (= overcome the overall deal with my deceased loved ones of sorts (or, more accurate here, actually, having rather grown/feeling quite 'indifferent' about the entire ordeal nowadays :shrug: ))

5. Me about to lose my current side-job of sorts towards the end of this month - this one, however, I'm not feeling much concerned about it as, again, payment really was one big joke, even for certain standarts and against all ultimately contributed within same one in great contrast towards same 'payment' then (of course this being a generally accepted circumstance nowadays, but in this case actually managing in being much worse so than the norm, in the end :unimpressed: ).
And while no new alternative has yet risen nor me actually having given much thought about it yet, at least, in regards to my studies, I've managed securing a longer-based internship program of sorts within local press within close radius of my home town around summer for about 3 months then (certainly no no-name brand either, actually, if applied towards the entire federal state of my home country of sorts).

At least, having already managed manefesting some well connections within same one, partially even long beforehand, I may actually receive a good chance securing some good ties within then which perhaps could even serve as ultimate solution towards many of afromentioned issues earlier and bring me closer towards realizing my utmost aspirations of mine (of course not going too much ahead of myself there, but at least dreams still remain ours to keep and perhaps even fulfill if granted the right opportunity at the right time :D )




Well, that's about that section - and actually longer, again, than anticipated, forgive me that one folks. :no:

Actually, though, even if supposed to be mostly content with the way things are supposedly working within my inner sanctums of sorts in real live and the like I yet can't help myself, but feeling quite down - actually depressed, again, actually => hence this entire 2nd half supposedly coming to serve as very section of sorts where I actually need to vent off of some things coming almost close to a seemingly long built up 'rant' of sorts - but, again, only close.

I don't know why this currently happens to be the case - whenever it's because of much stress and tensions lately having had (and still have) to help my boss in the moving process of changing headquarters for many (= financial :unimpressed: ) a reason (even partially playing into things in general) or some sort of late 'winter depression' of sorts - I don't know, but currently, things are just this bothersome for me in general - but rather mostly directed within my current stand of 'relationships' of sorts.

Of course I've certainly have to blame myself as well in regards to here - the DA-World - in regards to such out of having become so consumed within my still left open 'scores' to solve that I still happen to largely neglect keeping up in touch with most of same ones around here - if at least not as bad as past years have been, but still so - while in regards towards the real world, this would only come to take place out of my 'upbringings' of sorts having ultimately hampered my ability in increasing and subsequent retainment of same ones in the long run, then. :no:

But even so... Dormnant states. Rendered (too) sick. Occupied otherwise. Unresponsive messages to the point of feeling ghosted, if not outright so.

I dunno, but at the moment I do feel kinda 'ill' of sorts - 'ill' of loneliness that is. Normally, this wouldn't bother me as much for many a reason. It wouldn't even surprise me if this would all turn out to be just a phase yet again, with me to ultimately regret bringing it up within a few days/weeks or so, then.

But still, as of recently, it feels anything, but so, especially in such an seemingly ever increasing crazy and disconnecting world (but perhaps I'm not the only one feeling like such at the moment? Would be nice if it were to be acknowledged then) . :no:

At the moment I certain can't help myself, but actually hate this very month right now. :unimpressed:


But well, I guess that's mostly about it for now, so... dunno how things may continue from here. :shrug:
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Well, well, it may seem somewhat coming off as rather 'last minute' now and in a way it's like so, admittably - but then again, it's still within the old year and I did say somewhere within the week (if more weekend rather than week in common saying, but still), so it regardlessly counts.

Admittably, while having been able in cooling down a good deal upon the last days following much stressful ones, still, there's so much left in the open for me I wish I'd have managed in wrapping up before this year's end only to fail and be it mostly to be blamed on having to constantly fight on two battlefields at the same time - the one most nerve-cringing being the struggles of live as millions have to take on every day (and sure same millions doing so much worse than me) and preventing me from properly wrapping up those other matters found within the 2nd battlefield, ultimately.

Because of, it still happens to fall a bit hard on me focusing my thoughts even writing down this journal or rather rally my memories in regards to how all those last months went by (especially since the last time I truly did write a serious journal - as in since April then), so, even in spite of, I hope you'll bear with me if I'm going to do this now in a more summarized manner now than usual (though I guess this happens to come with much applaus/relief rather than anything out of my still not shaken off tendencies overblowing journals or keep myself more poignant/spared with my usage of word-count, ultimately).


So, how did (the rest of) 2017 went by on my side of the fence now?

Well, for one thing, especially around the time I last wrote my journal - aka April to May, I'd certainly find myself improving within my overall developement opening up towards others and become more advancing towards them and/or develope bonds with others.

Mostly, my side-job serving as secretary/accountant hybrid of sorts within a small private art/design school/studio (the same one I'd once undergo an internship as part of my newfound scholaric education those last 5 (normally 3, though, if not for all my private struggles and well-mantained connections with school staff basically allowing me in retaking those 2 final years respectively) would allow (or rather force :XD: ) me in opening up more towards fellow academic-colleagues and students undergoing the same path I once had to as well as lots of other customers of any age group a lot more than I ever could before, this in turn ultimately improving my levels of confidence within my enviromnent than ever in the past, granting me a newfound extend of authority and outward presentation/self-esteem I may have had to some degree before, but never this loose and surely not with same confidence to boost as more presently nowadays.

In that same vein, I'd ultimately manage in somewhat repairing an older based friendship in real live I managed in developing all on my own way back in 12th grade 3 years before instead of all those either 'fabricated' ones from my mother's end or ones non-existing, in the first place, only when having had to abandon same one back then out of my mother's growing jealousy in me finally developing some extend of backbone and start rebelling towards her years of manipulation and emotional abusement/blackmailing (again, all I once would refuse talking about even on the net, back then all labelled as 'arguments within the family' while nowadays I don't give a d*mn in the slightest anymore doing so, refusing in letting me bind down from such cases even posthumonsously :smoking: ) and for her declining physical and psychological health ultimately forcing me to such (though same friendship with her still remains rough at times when she in turn happens to be a bit more 'assertive' and unpredictable within her expressions of emotions and me not always knowing how to best act around her, ultimately (or rather my difficulties now suddenly supposedly to know entirely how to assert oneself social-wise beyond the basics and thus how to behave/let loose around others when never having had a chance to truly do so before (safe for here (= DA), but that one still different compared to real-live, regardlessly :no: )).

In relations to that, I'd come to enter some sort of 'post-puberty' of sorts as I'm gonna put it now as - mostly through same interactions with same students within same side-job - I'd ultimately come to develope a certain stand of 'sexual awakening' of such or, desire, rather to seek out what I consider my potential 'complement', a developement of sorts that'd sure catch me quite off-guard back then out of my rather thoroughly maintained 'asexual stand' 'til then (definitely not helped by the fact of my past experiences with girls, no matter the age, surely not having been great, but more dark ones either in my memory (and no, I certainly mean not in the way of the typical "boy tries wooing a girl only to ultimately embarass himself" kind of way (that'd have been the kind and more natural way to go (= again, social isolation preventing me from such)), but rather in having been as equally bullied by them for quite some time, stamped as 'weirdo' and 'freak' to be avoided at all cost, ultimately)).

This then newfound desire I ultimately deduce from the fact that, safe for my mentor-like figure of sorts (aka my (ex-)neighbor long mentioned in the past), my grandmother and potentially my so far sole true friend in real live, I practically happen to be all alone without much additional sources to rely on in real-live (again, emphasis on real-live, as, while I definitely consider here many as friends, it's regardlessly virtual and different, just not managing in remotely capturing all features that can be found within same real world, ultimately) (the rest of my family (safe for my mother's side of the family which I still am not fond of either after everything that happened between us and what I'd come to learn of them over the years, especially around the time my father died), I did manage in forging a well bond in the meantime as well, but with them out of reach most of the time, this supposedly not upholding much either, in the long run) which would ultimately form a sort of pressure in my mind having to develope a newfound friendship and, subsequently, deepgoing love-circle, eventually, so I'd have people at my side I could truly care about and - especially in regards towards a potential partner - love close to what I once had for my parents (in perticular my father, my mother, in spite of having meanwhile forgiven her for what she's done, still less so/differently out of same experiences still strong in memory, regardlessly) and, most poignantly, rely on in darker times - this one especially important out of the fact that, with her being the last out of our 'five-band' as I'll refer to it now (aka my parents, grandparents from my dad's side and me) and with me maintaining quite such a close bond to her in equal share as towards my father (well, surely helped by him having taken much after her ^^; ), it'll certainly pull me down into quite a dark place, again, as had my father's demise way back - with hers much more guaranteed to take place in soon upcoming years than his (hopefully not so soon; 5-10 would be best for sure, but still... :no: ) - and me not knowing whenever I manage going through the same amount of agony then as I had 2 years ago now, hence this all having ultimately formed up, in the process.


Unfortunately, though, I'd quickly have to see the folly behind my actions as - even though most of same groups of interns ultimately happen to be made up by girls most of the time (out of the art-based/design direction ultimately being more favored by same ones it seems (the most boys we used to have in a class back then would ultimately only be 7 then - 7 against, what, 28 or such?)) - I couldn't possibly hope to form such a deepgoing bond with them and be it only a friendship-based one - the reasons for such mostly being made out of them mostly interacting in ways I never could've hoped to keep up with (which I nowadays happen to understand better, though), but especially in regards to age, with the difference between them and me just being too great to overcome (most of them would ultimately happen to be 16 at the time of joining us, 16-18 being the ultimate range (a rare case being 19 at most), so, especially in regards towards my own recent birthday, you can see where the basic problem lies (yes, this having been something, I, too, would initially grow repulsed myself of for being attracted to such (not helped that some of them would ultimately claim in at least having had something with someone around my age by that point already), but given my upbringings and such, I'm meanwhile not surprised anymore that such a thing would come to take place, especially since this happens to be a thing for the past for me, again, out of reasons to be eventually disclosed))). This all wouldn't be helped by the fact that, next towards my secretary/accountant-based positions, I also happen to hold on towards a teaching position of sorts (also not helped in, too, having to grade same interns within, eventually), so this all would additionally gnaw on me for quite some time (something I nowadays consider quite ironic now, given my past aspirations of becoming a teacher only now having had to go through all the same troubles most of male teachers would ultimately be stereotyped with (all ultimately not helped by those astrocities brought upon by the Weinstein scandal back when all this had been much more relevant to me as nowadays :no: )).

Ultimately, though, once fully coming to terms with my reasons for doing so, I'd eventually manage growing out of same one as of roughly 2-3 months ago, managing in coming to full-terms with all of same newfound dispositions and desires and reprioritizing myself, aspiring in letting things develope more naturally, again, than enforce same ones (especially for afromentioned reasons) while at the same time not caring anymore who the 'complement' will eventually be and in what range in case so, in the end (at least if it still remains somewhat reasonable, especially given my continous developing age to be especially considered here) (yeah and so as to finally clarify here in what goes for my recent journal supposedly playing up all those big mysteries behind my cryptic messages and inclusions of a peculiar artwork done for me by :iconmentalcrash: supposedly hinting at something 'certain' in regards towards my overall developements, nope, this has been all about it, nothing else, only this, so for those who might have wondered about 'something else', I'm afraid the joke's ultimately on you there :lick: ).


Well, aside of that, most of the time I'd still tinker onto my 'writing-project' of sorts those months, having barely managed in wrapping up Chapter IX out of XII for my main actress now among other reasons, still refusing in undergoing any other activity, again, until I finally happen to be through with it the way it was originally planned - a circumstance that almost renders me depressive as of yet, again, out of having hoped in finishing things for real this year and ultimately starting the next one with a complete clean slate and purified spirit of sorts only when still being not the case for about 4 years now out of real live, among other, less time-consuming events, always managing in getting in the way of ultimately wrapping things up in a quick way, eventually (with my refusal of not letting go of also ultimately based on therapeutic reasons of sorts, not wanting in leaving things unfinished out of those very reasons, ultimately).


Well, aside of that, that's actually it as many other factors still happen to remain largely unchanged, as in:

- still living within the same household already proclaimed in the past (and thus inability setting up stuff to properly work on things, again)
- still searching for proper job/application training, preferably something within government or what reflects my skills best while still providing with steadyiness to some degree
- still continuing my studies, to be finished by 2019, ultimately, if unchanged



So, all in all, it's been a rather meek year now with little success to boot as of yet, though in regards to real live matters I've more favoribly come to terms with things out of seeing that, for the most part

- 2015-16 would rather mark the years where I'd rather have to fight for existential surviving without my parents' aid and secure a future I still could live in, even at the price of having had to forsake everything else in regards to coping much in regards towards all the grieving aspects and the like, those rather to be taken in by

- 2017 now where I'd finally (for the most part) be left with the time to truly come to terms with things as well as grow/develope in my persona in general and regain some of my old strenght/firmness, again, I emotional-wise wouldn't have nearly as much way back in 15-16 (and arguably even before then)

only remaining somewhat depressive about not having managed in cracking the big nut in regards towards personal projects - in peculiar afromentioned 'writing job' - and overcoming myself in many a guise within that kind of direction, ultimately.


So, all in all, for me, 2018 will supposedly mark the year now where I'll finally be able in most likely solving all of my remaining problems for good then, certainly in regards of finding a job then or at least something that will help me in that direction (with me already having such an option for, while my current side-job happens to find its closure in next March out of the school supposedly closing then (out of my boss having reached his 70s now and supposedly not finding anyone to take over for him (me included)), I already have managed in forging newfound contacts through him (sorta) towards local press through which I've meanwhile received an internship offer in return from their side of things (the potential of ultimate take-over/job offering most likely existent within as well then :D )), as well as finally finishing that very 'writing-project' that happens to tie me down so much in those last years now, still making up part of my 'old' live still to overcome for tying me down and all of my potential/further developements in character/personality (which is also one of the reasons why I'd step down from my pursue of further friendship/love-interests, for as long as that peculiar task happens to exist and/or me not seeking out potential 'assistance' in regards towards my (if not as severe as in 15-16 thanks to said job) still existing social disabilities of sorts, I'll never fully manage in successfully forming such bonds nor overcoming myself, ultimately)).


Well, this will certainly render 2018 quite an interesting, yet (hopefully) active year, again, eventually.

So, how has your year been? What happen to be your resolves for the next one ahead?

You certainly can add your thoughts in the comments and let me know if you want (or you can do the same within a poll I'm going to release later on).


For all of you, I certainly wish a Happy New (and hopefully successful) Year and good luck within same one, ultimately! :D
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Hello folks... ^^; :no:

yeah, it's been a while admittably (= understatement) and I sure am quite sorry for not even keeping things updated through a journal once in a while now either - the last of such coming already close to 8 months now (and not even much of an uplifting one either).

To be honest, quite a lot would come to take place in-between, if only in regards to my own 'personal journey' of sorts I'd undertake around, but especially since afromentioned last journal and many times I'd find as many reasons to share things with you and grant you access to my innermost thoughts and the like as against doing so - if only based on always something managing in popping up around next corner keeping me busy, again or so.

Especially back around April-May, I'd find myself faced with quite extraordinary changes/developements within same afromentioned 'personal journey' of mine of sorts not so unlike the way I'd ultimately come to use within my most recent (if not self-made (again, thank you for doing such, :iconmentalcrash: :D :thumbsup: )) gift or rather 'speech' used within for that certain special someone found within ^^; (though which ones I'm purposely going to keep vague now - gotta have to save up on at least some speculations and the like :XD: ), aka

Happy Girl, Happy Birthday by MentalCrash

But as said, most of the time something would pop up and I subsequently wouldn't feel like it either out of saving energy or really feeling down and the like - not much of an excuse either, I know, but still quite so. :facepalm:

Today I'm not going to do so either in that case out of something - for me personally at least - quite disrupting having managed in rendering me a good deal of upset at least, again (another certain adjective starting with a 'd' would certainly fit better here, but me surely not bringing it up now :smoking: ) (one of such being America's loss of net neutrality now (again, have been rendered quite busy to really catch on such events now, this really having hit me hart for you guys there; I really feel with you there :( )) (otherwise I most likely would've started by now at least) - that and work almost constantly grinding me on my nerves quite often these days (accursed Christmas business is all I say on that; seriously, I really would like to know who ultimately brought up that **** in the first place; not that I at least wouldn't partially know, though :sarcasticclap: ).


The only reason I partially do so now happens to be that, at least, I definitely wanted to thank all those very ones  who ultimately congratulated me for my most recent birthday on Monday - that was really nice of you, guys. :heart: :D

I'm sorry, again, I wouldn't really even bother keeping you updated with the one or other journal at least and I hopefully some things are gonna look better by the end of the year and start of subsequent new one, but currently things just happen to bothersome in such directions to say the least.

Regardlessly, though, I at least definitely want and will bring to mention how those 8 months would go by and what I've purposely left in the dark for now before this year's done, make no mistake of that.

However, in many events I'm only going to do so once initial holidays may pass as I'd most likely be rendered too stressed out beforehand, yet again. :(

In that case, unless doing so separately shortly beforehand, I'll already wish you all nice holidays in advance and look forward towards those afterdays then :santa:Christmas Tree 

Until then...
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... why does it recently feel like whenever I talk to people both here and in real live and I want to express something certain I find myself lacking the courage to really 'talk' about it/the feeling it's causing me? Because appearantly so much time has passed now I'd have supposedly had time to regrow my armor, again, that talking about it now would rather feel as forbidden as casting an unforgiveable curse in Harry-Potter-verse? Because of feeling ashamed of still carrying the one or other weakness with me while society expects me to act out the way people want me to? Or because of seeing the struggles of others in my close enviromnent with eyes unclouded now and subsequently thinking myself as selfish and uncaring towards them now and thus, supposedly, unworthy in seeking them out in return?

Sorry, this has been bugging me for some time now - I certainly had not planned on posting this so close after Easter, or even at all (and I do remain ashamed about still coming up with stuff like this here and then - if much more rarely now, but still - because of coming of so whiny and vulnerable when not really wanting to), but well, moods remain moods, I guess, even though I'm not nearly as depressive as things may sound like, rather... despondent. And wanting to seek out answers because of - for both my sake and for others'...
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Well... basically what the title says ^^; (how fortunate I didn't happen to forget about it after all...).

May many eggs be found, chocolate cherished, Christ be praised and happy times with loved/closed ones be well spent! :D
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Well, it's certainly been a while, again - and although, not much noteworthy has come to pass since then, still, like a garden, you gotta tent to it every now and then - at times more, at times less - in cases of here, though, at least somewhat more balanced (and, all in all, that's some big irony/hypocrisy here I know as well as having to eat those words, again, at the same time).

So, all in all:

- still searching for job (having wanted to join government, but ultimately failed to do so for this year, so either it'll be something smaller-scaled, have to wait for another year or simply accept my studies being my main focus now)
- still going through said studies + side-job
- still going through same living conditions
- having passed all of my exams + term paper safe for one (which I gotta have to rewrite next Tuesday, forcing me away from keyboard, again, by Friday)

Aside of that, based on semester break + job break (based on said job orientating itself on German's school-holiday terms) for still 2 weeks (counting this one), looking aside the one exam I gotta redo now, I got lots of free time ahead on which to do something... though that doesn't have to say much, given I, again, simply can't reset my stuff and work on it.


HOWEVER, what I also wanted to finally clarify, since things might come across of me not doing anything DA-related at all since years anymore, that's not entirely true. I still happen to have focus on one factor after all this time, it's just something that's not supposed to be for public - and that happens to be my long-lasting effort of writing everything of the plot in regards towards my "oh-so-special-project" towards my main actress in the events

1. her relating towards the character better and thus giving a convincing performance, resultingly

2. (this being the more actual factor behind things) of something to happen to me, to have someone who could share what I am (or was, depending on what's going to pass sooner or later or how you happen to see it) trying to accomplish


To prove I'm not talking jibberish, I know I've meanwhile written a good share of things since having come to know her in late 2013.

Since the story happens to be 12 Chapters in overall, and me currently being stuck towards the end of the eight, I - while not having (re-)counted (that I'm going to save up for the event of me finally being done with everything) - can assure you that I happen to have meanwhile come up with a rough deal of 500 pages* worth of material now and still going strong (though to be fair, at least 1/3 happens to consist of other side notes and other material meant to comprehend the one or other point or factor within the settlement of the plot better).

It's also based on this factor that happens to dictate my phases of absence as well as inactivity, for it's something I want to be done with first, before resettle towards any resolves of cleaning up my act and resolve what to do from there on (also in regards to if I'll still sting to it or not) and how...


BUT regardlessly of that, there's still at least something I finally had the courage to do so after all this time - and that's trying to catch up with events of what has come to pass on DA and, more poignantly, its people - in perticular the last 1-2 years where things had been going so much out of hand that I, well... not necessarily lost touch with reality so to say, but still something going in direction - also in regards towards the "bright idea" :sarcasticclap: of me having saved up looking after those in the now realized somewhat insane notion of "my writing stuff surely not taking as long as that those factors could wait for a little while" - and now so much time has passed, I'm still not done with things the way I wanted (even if much more urging matter had come to pass in-between, but that not really excusing things on the long run either) and I'd feel becoming too disconnected towards people and events in an ever-changing world.

Regoing through things, messages and the like, I found myself quite heartwrenched seeing what has gone through people and me barely having been there, too self-absorbed in my concerns, even partially justified when solely considering the real-live events - this being a statement, btw., not supposed to be taken as a form of self-pity, even if it may sound like this now (as have past journals going more personal than the norm).

And even if I do feel relieved in finally having done so and being glad in having received (mostly) positive responses in return, still, I sometimes remain unsure whenever I truly will be able in maintaining that or if I'll fall victim towards my own inner demons, again, in the long run - as in, if quite paradoxically, admittably, feeling unfit in really maintaining those relationships in the long run out of feelings of either feeling out of place, given the passage of time in-between, or bad conscious of having mistreated them by not having really been attentive towards their potential problems in return or even feel like I may not really care for others and/or bother keeping said relationships strong, hence me ultimately being unable in maintaining or forming them (not helped by partially having been raised this way - in perticular by my mother (in the likes of "you're not supposed to care for other people - they won't help you if you need it the most - you got to be better than them all, no matter if in school, job and so on; at best they're just tools for you to use to strenghten your position" (and most likely all steeming from the same person having been unfit in maintaining hers in return and thus forcing her believes onto me)) - followed by isolation from society by the very same, no matter which methods she'd ultimately make use of to manipulate me into doing so).

There's one thing I know for certain, though: As long as I'm not done with my other sole obligation, things will definitely never change - and as long as that remains, I definitely know things will remain uncertain at best, strained at worse and completely broken at worst.

So what's all that rambling supposed to say now? Well, I guess it means, my self-inflicted exile will have to remain as it is until I'm done - even if I'm at least in so far certain now, that this happens to be a matter of months now, only. What's going to happen afterwards, that remains to be seen - I can not tell for now, nor do I feel like it's the best time to do so, so I/you will have to be patient on it, even if I understandably much to ask for both sides of the fence.

At least though, while feeling unable in making a full-fledged promise upon it atm, still, in the events of me being unable in returning back here for full activity for a good deal of reasons still needing their proper resolve, still, I want to follow the resolve now and go ahead to involve myself more in community, again - and be it only to at least be more attentive towards people/events than postponing things for ages, again. I had also started considering about giving somewhat of constructive support towards other people's projects if I can't fully work on my own (aside of said writing project, again) and/or be more active in other regards, to be perhaps be of some use towards community, but that's still up to think about.




Well, ok, I admit, that's been much more rambling, again, than I originally had in mind and I apologize for it. At least what's said is said and is most likely not going to return in that form, again.

In the end, what I definitely wanted to do though, before ending this for good - also in the event of me most likely being too much in learning mode by then and subsequently forgetting all about it then (hopefully not, but who knows?) - is to wish you all a Happy Easter (+ holidays) :wave: . May you enjoy these days with your close-/loved ones and have blessed spring weather along the way. :D

Have a Happy (pre-)Easter time!  St. Patricks Day! Sun:butterfly: (Butterfly)


*Edit: While not having actually recounted, still, it's actually more 730 pages by now rather than 500 (and most likely still much more than that)
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why hello folks, as the title says, I guess I might as well update my journal once more - not that I'd have much to say about anything, since nothing big's been coming to pass recently, so all in all:

- still searching for job
- still going through my studies + side-job
- still going through same living conditions
- still no other large activity possible based on either afromentioned point or other factors

The only things new things that may have come to pass now being:

1. My 2nd laptop (my first having died little over a year ago after roughly 10 years of faithful service for various projects + other), too, has unexpectedly passed away last week, forcing me in completely switching over systems and redirect all of my stuff towards it (current stand of transfer by 97%)

1.1. In reflection to that, since I changed my password recently based on a suspected hacker-attack (which turned out to be false) and not having noted it down or kept it in mind (didn't have to as it had been on constant save on my previous laptop) and, ultimately, not having updated my email-address since having first registered, I almost lost access to this account for good - fortunately enough, I was able to regain it through a lucky guess and readjust things for good (else this would have turned things quite awkward in the long run...)

2. My exams for my studies will begin by next week, forcing me afk for a good deal of roughly two weeks (three if counting my term paper (though since I do have to type it down, does that count as afk? Don't know, guess not ^^; )) - afterwards, I guess I might have some more free time at hand to go after the one or other thing properly or getting to keep my new year's resolves by then (though since this is live we're talking about here, I'll refrain from making any firmset statements/promises about that)


Well, that's about it for now, folks, until next time then...
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Ok folks, today - on my birthday Have your cake and eat it too Party (this become quite a recurring theme now over the last years now, no?) - I'm gonna make a smaller-scaled update, again, so that I can replace that last depressive, albeit largely confusing journal, for good now.

And not to to worry, for since there isn't much I intent on talking about today, you don't have to fear a novel from me this time around, especially because I think the last ones pretty much summed a good deal of stuff up already I could've possibly brought on about now (and thanks to a certain bird, I want to at least try to keep up that resolve of writing shorter-scaled journals from now on...).

So, since we're, again, reaching the close of the year and there won't be much else largely happening from now on, I'll pass on a quick summarization of what's recently been going on and what resolve I made myself for the next year ahead already:

What's been going on since the last update and/or close-up of this year now:

  • I've meanwhile dissolved my garage containing my stuff and transfered it over to my grandma's to be eventually sorted out and for savekeeping until I get to move on to a new place of mine (however that doesn't mean I can reset my stuff, again, for my living conditions won't provide the necessary requiremnents needed to do so (which also means no continued work on projects, again, for the next time ahead))
  • Still stressing through university and side-job, though definitely not as bad as around the time I made those last journals (aside of large dumps of paperwork I still got to get through before Christmas in regards to job :XD: )
  • still no positive results out of my application campaign, unfortunately enough :no:
  • At least in regards to my grandma I managed in dealing a victorious blow against her ailings (as in, that, in collaboration with my new housedoctor we've now been attacking the 'cancer' (= figure of speech here, not the actual thing) at its very heart (aka dissolving water in feet/knees) to the point that she may be able in fully walking, again, without too much trouble next March or so ahead


That supposedly summarizes the events of last weeks now as well as closing up the rest of this year now.

Now then, seeing that 2016 had rather been a year of securing my very existence for the next time ahead (aka finances, living conditions (even if I'd have preferred my own ones, but alas that's something that's to be solved some other time then (for reasons I already explained in the recent journals in case of needing refreshment upon it)), place of enrollment (again, even if I had prefered vocational training over studying now, but alas, again, that's something to be moved up to next year for solvation then :no: ) aso.), next year's gonna be the year whose focus will more prominently be towards myself, the person, and all the other things I couldn't really put attention towards to this year ahead.

Thus, the following points will supposedly make up my main agenda of 2017's resolve (aside of other already mentioned factors above):

  1. Overcome my social-phobia (yeah, got to figure that one out meanwhile, even if my 'condition' regarding that doesn't happen to 100% cover it up (but still coming closest to what ails me there...)), break the remaining bonds of my shell and go after things I neither took interest in and/or had been prevented of beforehand
  2. Make up my resolve now what intentions I'm going to follow up here now - whenever 'The Project' will still be my main ambition to be fulfilled yet (albeit definitely with changed conditions now) or, if not, what my calling will supposedly be then (or, in worst case, if I should simply start completely over, again, but there's nothing to be afraid of at the moment, so nothing to worry about here)
  3. In cohesion with 2. - settle all about my open scores towards people/friends here by good then (how so, ultimately? Don't ask me yet, but in my stubborness you can rest assured that I'm gonna find someway somehow, eventually...)

There happen to be some additional smaller-scaled resolves I intent on following next year forward, but those 3 happen to be the most significant ones to point out (and which would concern you mostly).

Well, that's about it now - next journals gonna follow up on Christmas and New Year's Eve respectively (though not for updates then - you can say that this one shall supposedly serve as final one in that regard, unless something really were to come to pass 'til then (but better not hope so...)), so there's nothing else I could add up on it, now.

Until then, have a great pre-Christmas time  Santa Clause :D


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So, well, 2 weeks since the last one - obviously not much to add onto that longer-based one since the most poignant factors both in the past as well as what I still got to do have been gone through, no matter if on the 'real-live' or the 'emotional/social' battlefield.

Regarding the latter I found myself confronted with new, somewhat disturbing discoveries about myself - the most significant one being an additional reason why I find myself in such difficulty creating new lasting relationships and especially trying to hold together with those I (somewhat) used to have; and it's not necessarily based upon difficulties returning to activity, again (which I already explained before), nor the overall 'isolation' factor pointed out towards the end of last journal (which, however, does play a good deal into this; though not in the way I had always assumed to be the case). No, it's something else, actually, something that goes far deeper than that and which I failed to see beforehand nor able to connect the dots together how things got so messed up over the years (regarding everything now, not solely my part here).

And, well, I guess I now know what I really have to do before I can think about anything else - if I don't, things will never be able to fully become the way, again, they used to be before (even if that can be a bit far-stretched, considering some factors here and there, admittably, but well, there's always somewhat of a 'limitation of damage' so to speak of....).

So, there's a new, additional journey for me to embark on now... even if it won't be started this year anymore, for I have a good deal of other matters I need to take care of first, before I may be able to start upon the road leading to salvation. Rather, this, while a bit early for now, admittably, is gonna become my new year's resolution.

Next year, my friends, the demons that bound me for so long shall finally be put to rest, all open matters be cleared out and a final resolution be found, no matter what it'll be and where it'll lead me...




Ok, alright, I now I sounded pretty much like barely capable lunatic up there, though I did see no other alternative to really get this off my chest otherwise - especially if so many factors and events in such a relatively short time span could've driven the one or other insane long ago already.

Nevertheless, even if sparing said dramatization up there, still, its content still remains truthful in regards of having to defeat my inner demons now and refind my purpose back in life - in society, sociality, my history, my future both here and in real life and everything else that goes in hand with the previous called upon facts.

Regarding here, recently, I had been playing with the though about simply shutting off and start over, again, a new - as someone that won't be recognized by you and who might not follow the same purpose he used to either. At the moment, this remains far from my mind for a good deal of reasons, though, if I do defeat said inner demons or am in the middle of it and might have to find a resolve solving everything, this still might find some sort of consideration upon it.

What goes for everything else, I can't say... there's still so much to be done, even if on a different footing now, somewhat - so much that, at times I could feel myself bursting from so many factors running through my head; aka, 'I gotta do this', 'I gotta do that' - 'Oh oh, and don't forget about that!' *sigh*


Anyway, I wanted to bring up something else after the last journal now; having purposely waited long enough now in case someone where to add something else upon my plea...

....it never came to pass.


Though that's ok, I don't blame you for it, 'cause I know that there are so much worse worries out there that need attention to and on which you guys gotta look out for now (*cough* Trump *cough* being one of those, possibly).

B'sides, it's not like I don't understand it in general either. You know, the funny thing about isolation and not really being a part of society for a time allows you to somewhat see things with clearer eyes and see what and how society really is - at least upon the field I find myself familiar with (aka the country I live in obviously, for I surely couldn't speak for the reflections/workings of Latin-America if I were living in, say Japan)

And especially regards of the internet, where there can be so many drama queens (perhaps, in a somewhat twisted way, some could see me as that, regadlessly, and I accept that, if not for their reasons) and normal people reading through/participating in one depressing update from user number 2839603593050 on, say, Facebook to user number 2839603593051 on Twitter - potentially wanting to jump away from that only to find themselves confronted with, by then - to user 2839603593052 on DA then, it's no wonder people find themselves less and less motivated if they wanna enjoy themselves somewhat only to find themselves overwhelmed with a potential majority of users they encounter going through rants to whining to bullying to trolling and what-else-not they could be doing. I can really understand how that can demotivate people over time to not really bother anymore, especially if they got their own issues to deal with, making use of the internet to escape said troubles, somewhat, only to find themselves confronted with other depressive people?

In earlier days, before this invention called 'internet' happened, people only could rely on their close ones or try talking to someone in real live and or try finding someone to built up trust in order to do so. Nowadays, though, it rather appears now, as there's constant depression everywhere to such an extend that people find themselves turned to indifferent to those based on incability dealing with those anymore, especially if, as said before, they have their own problems to deal with. It's almost funny how we praise our newfound connection with others throughout the world, but in reality, we're much more disconnected than we might have been in a world without the internet...


Well, that's enough of that now. Originally I wanted to make this journal somewhat more uplifting, though it seems I didn't really find the will nor motivation to do so upon it.

Alas though, it does somewhat serve its purpose by overriding the last journal brought up for the next time ahead.

Guess, I'll come up with the next one on my birthday then... I promise, I'll try make that one at least somewhat more uplifting than today's one...




  • Listening to: Battle of the Heroes - SW: Ep. III
  • Reading: /
  • Watching: /
  • Playing: /
  • Eating: /
  • Drinking: Developed a Fanta fetish as of lately XD
Well yeah, had to slightly move up to today on this final part since I was long away the night before up to early morning and thus neither feeling fit nor ready to write up on this one then, sorry.

But alas, this last part finally happens to be taken care of and that's all that counts, I guess (or, at least hope ^^; )

---------------------------------
Ok, well, I guess now this is it :lonely:

Admittably, I've been pushing up on that one far too long now and, even if potentially not warranted for, again, I apologize for not having covered up on that one sooner. I further admit, though, this simply happens to steam from the fact that, as the two previous parts showed, that I simply didn't find much time on me ahead to properly cover up on that one at first - and, alright, in those times I did have time to potentially do so, I was partially hold back by varying emotions preventing me from doing so; at first, it was because things had been too fresh, I guess that's understandable. Then, however, I was mostly driven by fear, anguish and shame leading up quickly to guilt in varying perspectives.

Even now, I still find myself at difficulty writing about this - if not as severe as the first months had been - but I know there's no way I could further push/chicken out on that one, lest I'm going to lose what remaining trust and credibility I still may have left at this point.


Although this is supposed to explain my reasons why I find myself unable to become largely active, again, in the DA-Community, for the next time ahead (aside of what's currently tighting me up atm (aka university and such), I'll have to point out that some of my reasonings happen to closely interwine with real life backgrounds/events that have negatively influenced my upbringings nowadays and which have left to this current issue of mine; I'll try keeping those at a mininum, though, I definitely can't guarantee on anything on that one, sorry in advance.


-------------------------

Before I'm going to start, though, I briefly wanna disclose how I've been emotionally coping with all of the pointed out events in the past and what resumeé I can take on one year after these events now:

Long story short on this one, I have - for the most part - been coping well with the overall loss. I can't say the pain that's caused by my father's passing completely gone by that point unlike with my mother (though in her case, there are also some other factors influencing this as you're going to learn later on; and to be fair, it also took roughly about a month after said 'passing day' until I was completely 'clear' of everything; perhaps I just to wait out the 'same' amount, 'til I could so - partially I doubt that, but I digress now, again ^^;), but it's coming close to - at least nothing that would largely hamper me from going after my daily routine or so, per se.

I admit that, rather, I happen to find myself at burden at times now that, after finally having graduated from school, on having to take on the world alone and having to shoulder all the responsibility on my own now without having potential 'help' to rely on now (of course I'd have to struggle through that anyway and things surely wouldn't have differed by much either; however, knowing that, no matter if indepentend or not, that you truly happen to be all responsible on your own now and that there's no one there you could rely on in a different way here and then does leave things at least somewhat bitter, you know? At least I hope I conveyed the message well enough without sounding pathetic-like or anything like that). In that regard, though, there also happens to be a reason behind that one as I'll get to explain eventually.


What goes for the resumeé, there's nothing much to say on it now without going too private or disclose some matters more closely than I already have, than to simple say that, all in all - even if some things could've preferrably turned out a bit better or not having taken place at all (I think you'll get what I mean by that) - that I'm pretty glad things were able in solving themselves this well thus far (with the alternatives being much worse in that case here). Of course, there still happen to be some loose ends I'd have preferably swept under the carpet before the day of the 'passing' and perhaps be able to 'fully' function, again (= being active, again), but I guess you can't win them all on such a relatively short timespan. Alas, things are working out just fine now - for the most part - and I'm sure the rest of things are going to find their proper resultion soon. I guess I'll just have to be a bit more patience regarding those ones and everything's going to be fine.

-----------------
However, while remaining rather positively on those aspects (= coping with the loss + resumeé after one year now), the more negative I remain by those 'other' emotional struggles now - with a good deal of them regarding my stand around here and which I never have really properly adressed as I should have, with some of the other, more real-live events/occurences/habits closely intertwined with those as already pointed out earlier.

Alas, there's no way to further push out on those any longer, so I guess it's finally time to properly disclose those now:

---------------------------------------
For a long time, I've been blaming myself how things have come to pass now - especially in regards to here.

It's 8 years now that I'm around here - when I opened up my account here, I was but a introvert to put things mildly, an odd-one, an aspiring TG-Captioneer who was back then inspired by other Captioneers like :iconrollsumi09: ; having found my way into the overall DA-Community out of the sheer variety of art that's been found here (first starting by my Kingdom Hearts Fandom seeking out Sora and his gang in various world forms for my own (not publicy published, mind you) stories before stumbling across the TF/TG Community by accident and become smitten by it for reasons I don't really fully understand to this day).

Why I found myself closer entangled by the TG-Community and its people rather than one of my other fandoms or such, I don't know - though what I can tell is it has nothing to do with my sexuality. Rather, I think it's simply for the openness of people behind them and their kindness I'd come to receive throughout.

Having - at the time - freshly come of as bullying victim (which I'm not going to disclose closer now than that as this only happens to play a really small part into all of this) for reasons unrelated to what you may think (= TG/TF Community) I wanted to seek out someplace I could be more of myself, even if only on the web, where I might get to work on my self-esteem and get to know people. In that case, the TG-Community would happen to provide for both, for my Captions would secure somewhat of a (from my pov at least) 'guilty popularity' while getting to know the one or other one-time individual.

The greatest and - afterwards doubtful - times I'd receive regarding that, I'd come to spend around the times of the 1st TG-War. Hiding myself behind a boost personality back then, it's here I'd come to meet a good deal of people I'd partially grow close to later on such as :iconcandy-sugargirl: , :icondarth-drago: and :iconirishbrewinc: (even if he was not a participant, but still a recognizable fan/buddy in my book nevertheless) who I still hold in high regard to this day, even if - mostly through my own actions and those of live - we've mostly grown apart nowadays (though, again, that's how I've come to perceive things; if I happen to be wrong on it, then please feel free to correct me on that immediately).

The good times where not to last, however, as the War - back then still lead by :iconchess-man: and :iconfrost-lock: at the time I jumped in - was already at its point of dying for various reasons and even my own shorttime leadership of it could not rescue it from the cesspit it's become (to use a quote here; you'll get a cookie if you happen to find out where I got it from).


I know what you're thinking - that's all nice and clear... AND already known! What's my little history there supposed to provide?

For you, at first, nothing... that is, if you can't read between the lines. Even I had difficulties connecting the dots together at first since I didn't see the connection back then, but my reason to stand is that the whole reason I jumped into things - at first on DA in general, then for the TG-War - was to participate and provide something that could earn me a place of glory, because in my case, glory would provide recognition... and recognition would provide friends.

For some, this might be understandable on first sight or how they've come to know me, but I did not. There are many things I was forced to learn about myself and my enviromnent over the course of that year, that'd certainly turn around all of my assumptions I found self-evident for me.


To continue with the history lesson, as - after the 1st War was eventually closed in by me then officially - I continued my old path - this time as a TG-Artist, rather than Captioneer - with many of my former works put down from here by now. Eventually, though, I found myself smitten by a different artist (whose name I'm not gonna put down here out of respect) who in turn made me question my purpose and quality of the art I was doing back then.

At the same time, I'd write on my own, personal side-story which I eventually wanted to add in a big finale, but having found no sources of inspiration in order to do so.

That's been all around 2010-11, a time most of these questions and doubts would come together. I wouldn't know what to do of myself then, in regards of DA - even in spite of my supposed 'calling' - and in regards of private life. Back then, things didn't look too brightly either. My mother, supposedly bullied as well over work and eventually fired from her company out of a selling-settlement, aspiring for an early retiremnent sitting home all the time, growing more and more deattached from the world, tempering her days away without wanting to listen to reason - neither from my father, nor me (and with the both of us finding ourselves limited in our options out of having been busy in work/school respectively), would cause us strenouing times altogether - with my father not farring better on that regard since, while being promoted to a respected branch manager back then for 3 years then, would also start suffering under all the constant pressure and responsibility then (similarily to me nowadays, I guess, though far less severe and far less worth complaining about than what he had to go through, I guess).

In the end, with the 2 of them not really settling for a good example and not really knowing what to do, I was mostly fend to find a solution myself.

However - in regards of privacy - wanting to aspire for something that'd not end me up in the same position as them and, more poignantly, eventually settling my DA-based-disputes with wanting to aspire for something supposedly 'greater' than doing TGs as well, work on - in my perception - greater projects and art-styles from then on, I'd enroll myself into an art-based-college not too far away from home with high hopes of learning to improve my art there in regards of anatomy and coloring that'd help me get me off the ground and help pursuit my own projects - with the most poignant one being 'The Project'.

'That Project' I'd often talk about in the past, which was supposed to be a great accomplishment on my side then - an experimental-course that'd require many talents not solely from my side, of course, but of those of many others as well - the most poignant one being voice-actors, with some of them being familar faces in this piece of glory such as :iconchess-man: , :icondragon-v0942: and :iconsliceofdog: just to name a few.

Especially ones I'd 'gain' full insight into its plot, I'd then put everything into it whenever possible, starting off by 2012 with high spirits.

But luck would not shine as brightly upon it as I first found myself in difficulties improving in my art-style yet and try to keep things balanced between school and free time, a situation severely hindered by the increasingly growing worse situation within my private enviromnent; namely the degeneration of my mother's psyche and the resulting growing worse arguments against me and my father because of it (by accusing me of being a failure who's solely depentent on them and can't get done anything by himself while my father, because of his work, constantly neglects her and is unable to show much emotion anymore).

Despite that, though, I'd try my best though, push on with improving with what I could, finding myself inspired with new ideas I'd - later on - even publish in a larger list of things I wanted to be done for thrice 'The Project', what's related to it and everything else.

However, becoming more and more aware that it'd was going to take longer, because of all of its experimental-components it got, I'd start writing down the entire story in a more detailed way towards my main actress I'd get to know in late 2013 based of another TG-Arti- no, TG-ANIMATOR's growing popularity (which I guess most of you will know by now) in case that - were something to happen to me before I come to introduce or finish this, that at least all of the information was safely with someone I could trust and who in turn could then share with you the rest of it in case of (having become even more convinced/unhinged by the sudden unexpected passing of :iconmontyoum: whose legendary Dead Fantasy series belonged to one of my favorites in an artistically way and how much you could achieve if you happen to give everything into it).

Things would, however, become as good as completely loose by the then unexpected passing of my mother in 2014 as result out of a sickness hidden from the both of us (my father and me) and as climax of all the internal struggles I got to live through, taking me by bad surprise upon it and leaving me down for quite some time.

Nevertheless though, in my stubborness, even when having been actively behind this thing since over 2 years now (having officially declared its start at 2012) while, because of, most of things having been rather practice than anything actively done, I didn't want to give up on 'The Project' or its components, because of my convinction that things are/were still going to turn out fine despite this turn of events (and, in a more egoistical thought, that, if my mother - who has been at fault for many things that have been going wrong in my family for the last few years without me ever having realized that before - were now not hindering me anymore, I could perhaps things turn out for the better, again), having gone after wrong things for supposedly noble reasons - as in, with this thing becoming my magnus opus that'd (internally that is) place me in a place of glory... which would lead to recognition which... you know what's coming now... friends, or at least a greater crowd of people I could connect with than I already have (when I should have already known by then that, perhaps, I may not have had what I 'wanted', but already what I 'needed' to insert another well-known quote here).

It's only after my father's demise and the subsequent events now that finally broke my back, having been forced in attenting all of these past matters without having been able in really continuing with anything.

--------------------------

And it's here now, after a good long history lesson, that I can finally clear out my controlled, yet raging emotions regarding all of that:

For a long time now, I've been feeling guilty that my work obsession with said project might have cost both my parents on this, since I felt I was too focused on myself rather than what's around me.

While - also with the help of people - I came to realize now that I wasn't at fault for my parents' demise, since they actually have destroyed each other in a way, still, I can't possibly apply the same for around here.


Intentionally or not, I've hurt many of those I supposedly call 'friends' here with my absences and/or indifference at times, the only ones I ever had in my life so far...


...and I have no real words that could possibly express about how sorry I am for what I have done.

-----------------------

It's here now, I find myself faced with various dilemmas I impossibly can't solve on my own anymore regarding here and which supposedly explain why I find myself difficulty returning to DA without knowing how to solve them now.


Regarding 'The Project' and its components, on one hand, I feel like finding myself confronted against a pile of broken glass based upon upon mentioned hindsights. On the other, I feel like that, having spent so long with it now, for the sake of everything I feel like I've sacrificed for it or feel like could turn out for the better if I give it more time, I couldn't possibly abandon it now, for it'd render all those years spent for naught now - even to the price of what I already mentioned up there and what I feel myself conflicted with.


Even if I were to let it go (and dare anyone to come up with a certain song now - I don't think I can guarantee for anything then), then what? What should I supposedly do then? Return making TGs? But what for? I once swore to move on from those, take on more serious work - and I keep what I promise. And even if I were to break that promise on the account of things having changed, I don't think that TGs will grant me any more fulfillment on me than when they did back then before I've sworn them off for good. Heck, even if I were to set them up as Commissions to have something worth for them, wouldn't change anything about me not feeling fulfilled working on them.

What then? Should I write stories? But for who? What for? Doing the same as above, set them up as Commissions, but again, what?!


As you can see, one of my most conflicting emotions regarding that all happens to be because of my supposed "calling" around here which I don't find anything worth for aside of what I've been accustomed to these last years.


The other, most poignant, matter happens to be my - from my pov - cut off ties towards people around here, especially in regards of if I were to let go of 'The Project'.


Don't get me wrong, even if having become quite disconnected, I still would find myself coming close with other people over these last 2 years instead, at those times of my parents' passing nevertheless - such as :iconrex-equinox: and :iconmentalcrash: - both of which I hold in just as high regards as I already have with :icondarth-drago: , :iconirishbrewinc: and :iconcandy-sugargirl: ; even if I didn't maintain much more contact with the latter 3 than I once did for everything I've already pointed out before.

However, even then, my most conflicting emotion about it has been that already starting from the first day on I'd spent on DA, I'd find myself at great difficulty properly socializing with people the way I perceived I should have - and that's definitely not saying much, 'cause I was never really able to learn how to do so. Why? Because since I was little, I was constantly isolated interacting much more with the outside world than necessarily needed - my mother had taken sure of that, thanks to having been quite demanding, manipulative and controlling at the same time... actually, Mother Gothel, with my mother having not been as severe as to lock me away, perhaps, but still, from Rapunzel comes very close to how she could be.


There, I said it now :lonely: , with what I feel mostly ashamed about.

While I have managed in working on myself quite a lot for over this last year and make progresses on my socializing skills, it's a whole different matter working on new relationships in real live and ones I've come to know (more or less) close around here and how to (re-)approach them - especially if 'The Project' were to be dropped - and/or how to built up (new) ones around here.


Again, I'm really sorry for how all these things look like now and how pathetic I feel myself from approaching you like this or being so foreward with this the way I am now (and I'm partially certain that this entry will most likely fall under my eventual 'to be deleted list' later on).


But on the other hand, though, I'm really at a loss at what to do anymore, regarding that now - regardlessly when I'd have come to approach this matter then, if not now...
  • Listening to: Vorador's Mansion - Legacy of Kain Defiance
  • Reading: /
  • Watching: Definitely not Zootopia (tries to look innocently)
  • Playing: /
  • Eating: /
  • Drinking: Developed a Fanta fetish as of lately XD
Now then, last part covered up for a good deal about how things have been developing since the very first day onward as well as explain how I was mostly left unable to return attention towards anything DA-/project-related, for - I hopeful understandably - there have simply been far more urgent matters been in need for attention so far and partially are still in need for ahead....

Which leads us to how things supposedly are looking like now (as since, roughly, beginning of October (16) up to now):

  1. While I didn't manage in getting anything vocational-training related, still, I was - luckily enough - accepted within one of ultimately 2 universities I applied to and was enrolled at shortly therafter, having started since 17th Oct. now (what I study? Theater-, Film- and Media-Studies and Literature in a well known university found within Baveria)
  2. => however, said studies, though related to my former school-curriculum (= the direction I graduated in I mean), happen to be, ironically enough, much more time-consuming than my old-school plan (and also a lot stricter in regards to rules) => that, in addition to my student-job per say (of which I work in 10 hours a week) (which has been stressful as to lately as well, based on my boss (with the most time consuming factor having been preparings and set-up for a well known art-fair in Baveria around the - you guessed it - time of my father's passing, having - alongside said studies - taken quite its toll on me 'til last Sunday, effectively leaving me up for some free days only for these days, before being having to go in with full force, again, by next week
  3. Around September, I went to visit my doctor, only to then find out I happen to have developed an allgery to cats, having forced me in giving them away for good now as of last Saturday (though I'm convinced in more ways than one that, even in my emotional pov, I never would have been able in giving them the same care, time and love as may have been the case around beforehand, so it's probably for the best (also, it's not like, they're completely gone, as I can still see them from time to time)).
  4. I still live within grandmother's home for reasons I'll come to cover up in just a moment.

That wraps up how things happen to look like nowadays...

... which leads us to what I still got to do in order for things to fully, 100% stabilize, again (and, on the sidelines, help determine my future around here DA by then at latest):

  • while my current studies happen to provide for my orphan's pension as well as protection from employment agency (towards which I had to 'turn myself in' as I like to put it now, based on both my recent graduation and age) in regards of being forced into something I don't want to (or, at least, having to go through their prodecures enforced onto me), still, it obviously not provides real stability from my pov in regards of later employment (especially with not having gone through any vocational-training beforehand and - if going through said studies - potentially end up 30+ and most likely not managing in grasping a foot within the world of employment by then anymore), hence my application period happens to be far from over as I make use of the current study-situation in hopes of finding potential vocational-training at someone willing enough to take me in despite my flaws
  • Once - and only once - I manage to receive such a confirmation I may take on vocational-training at some place, may I be able to move forward with my plans and look out for a place for myself and settle in anew
  • => since my 'humble' home barely makes up of 10 square meters to freely move in, all of my equipment happens to be stashed in my neighbor's garage (which he had no problems lending to me and for which I'm very grateful for in my current situation) - it's obvious that I can only set up my whole stuff, again, once I happen to have a place I can call my own (and which also additionally explains why I'm currently largely hindered to take on any real 'project-based' work, for even if my current time issues wouldn't happen to be, I couldn't take on any work anyway as long as the rest of my equipment happens to be stored out of my reach :no: ...)

So, all in all - regarding me - this means:

1. Receive Vocational-Training-Confirmation next time ahead => 2. Find a place I can call my own => 3. Re-set up everything => 4. ? - with '?' indication, settling final decisions regarding the rest of my future afterwards


Since I had aspirations of potentially emigrating at some point later on (potential locations happen to include England and the US (with the latter having been on my mind since 'Day 1' first greatly, but having lately grown cold for now based on current 'political' activities taking place over there (do I really need to spell those out here? :smoking: ))), this decision, too might settle in by then eventually.

On the sidelines I also am providing a bit of health-based care for my grandmother who, physically, has difficulties in moving, based on weight, hurtful knees and water in feet swollen enough to heavily restrict her in her movements (not to the point of almost causing her to be bedridden or anything, but still pretty bad nonetheless) (also, when saying 'providing... care', it's supposed to mean I run errands for her and, especially in my own wish, set up meetings with doctor(s)/specialist(s) that may be able to help her (for, elsewise, results turned out she's completely fine, health-wise, it's only the damn water in her feet and those knees that mark things so difficult for her nowadays), no fostering, nothing else (no will I take responsiblity for those, for I happen to have enough on my plate now to do so as well; no, I only do what I actually can also manage which already happens to be quite a lot nowadays...)...


Alright, this happens to cover up for how things currently happen to stand in general and what I still got to do in general in order for things to restabilize themselves properly.

However, despite having covered up in great detail now, how 'general' things happen(ed) to (have) work(ed) out (currently), this does not cover up, nor clarifiy, how things are standing within the 'emotional' side of things and which, too, happens to make up a good deal of things.

That happens to include

  • how I cope with things in general, especially after a year after those events now while also pulling on a resumeé over all these things (as in, did everything supposedly work out the way I had in mind in the end, for example)
  • what emotional-struggles still happen to cause me great grief - and that isn't supposed to be solely linked towards my parents' passing now, but also of the one or other struggle I still find myself entrapped in, how they had come to pass and affect things from back then to now and how those could probably be resolved


It's especially the latter one I know I've been bringing up here and then to properly bring up since my father's passing so that some form of (further/additional) understandment could be formed as to - in case of DA - if it were not for the current tight-set schedule or lack of equipment I happen to have at the moment, why I find myself unable to simply 'come back' at some point or resettle onto a 'past path' so simply the way I used to.


These points however I'm going to bring up in that long-announced journal now - which, in that case, marks part 3 of the overall update.

Said part, however, I beg of pardon, if I have to slightly postpone it for one last time simply based on the ammount of time I was in need to write up those 2 parts up now in the first place.

Part III will follow up either by tomorrow or by Friday at latest - I'd kindly ask for your patience 'til then one more time and thank you all for your past patience thus far and, more poignantly, standing by my side nevertheless.

Until tomorrow or Friday then...


  • Listening to: Vorador's Mansion - Legacy of Kain Defiance
  • Reading: /
  • Watching: Definitely not Zootopia (tries to look innocently)
  • Playing: /
  • Eating: /
  • Drinking: Developed a Fanta fetish as of lately XD
Well, well, at long last, it is here that I finally manage in digging this one out (digging? Huh, I think I may have unpurposely managed in pulling out a pun on this one if today's context won't be missed by you... figures).

Hello folks, I hope most of you manage well. First of all, I must ashamingly pull out an apology, again, out of my sleeves for taking this long in finally putting an update to this journal and dismiss the rather depressing last one regarding the passing of my grandfather (though, I have to warn in advance now that this doesn't necessarily indicate that what I'm going to write about today is potentially going to turn out much better in that regard) - especially since I said I'd do so on the passing day of my father at 25th of October at latest, only to do so now without any explanation why so beforehand; in that case, I'm sorry, but circumstances (which make out an essential part of this long-awaited  journal update) managed in consuming lots of time around that time-span up to last Sunday and thus prevented me from pulling this one up earlier; I hope this can be understood despite the circumstances.

Regardlessly of the slightly missed 'dead-line' (wow, figures, I managed in making a pun out of this, again - too bad, I'd find it, actually, pretty funny, were things not depressing behind that one :smoking: ), still, this won't change anything about the contents of today's update, so better to suck it up and just go ahead with today's die-ary (ok, that one was on purpose now and twice as painful at that :XD: - I really should put a stop to this now, since this is supposed to be taken seriously...)

As pointed out earlier, it's been a little over a year now since my father's passing (even if the actual event had taken place a bit earlier (since it had technically been a Saturday he had died and you know how 'dates' supposedly worked, so), but for said update, I don't intent to cling on so obsessively this time around) and I figure it's best time now to reflect upon now, what's been going on all this entire (what I may or may not have shared already included here), putting on a resumé behind those, briefly explaining how things happen to look like now, currently, and how past events managed in influencing those and, last but not least, what I still got to go through, in order for even the smallest loose end to be finally taken care of (and, in coheresion with that, also finally explaining the one or other personal issue I still find myself troubled with, even after all this time (and how past events managed in influencing those in more ways than one (as in, how they could have come to pass in the first place and how they most likely are gonna get resolved eventually)).

That last matter though (= what's still personally troubling me (emotional-wise)) is going to be addressed in a separate journal I may or may not manage in putting up today (though, if so, I'll try all I can to bring up said 2nd as fast as possible if not this time around, promise), but let's first see how far I'll manage for today, shall we?




Now then, to at least spare you from having to read through too much, I'll deal out the following events in a rather punctual manner:


  1. 25th Oct.- 23th Dec. - Obviously the beginning of things. Here, of course, I had been down most of the time emotional-wise and needed time to deal out with things regarding that. Aside of that, I had been most busy with organising the funeral and all the bureaucratic matters all of my own without any (real) help from the outside world (my relatives in Italy didn't give a damn at first and only came by once I was through most of the most vital matters, my grandmother was emotionally- and physically-wise unable to (and additionally lacked the experience to do so) (my grandfather at the time not-withstanding (though since he didn't have legs anymore, he couldn't have helped me either way, even if he were there emotional-wise)); only my great-uncle provided assistance on one occassion (though even then, he was only there as witness rather than doing anything for me there) and my neighbor did in more than one occassion (though in his case, it was more emotional, but still, he had helped me out a lot later on, so I won't allow any negativity to be reflected back on him at any time - neither from me, nor anyone else!)). It was also around here I lost my year-long faithful laptop I used for writing.
  2. 24th Dec.-15h Feb. - Here, the bureaucratic matters were as good as resolved, save for one vital matter that took place after that (but didn't occur here, since my inheritance-documents weren't completely through, yet (propably, 'cause Christmas was relatively so close around corner on my father's passing that the govermnent facilities were most likely under-employed at the time and didn't bother taking cover for this matter earlier)). As pointed out in a separate journal, one of my cats needed operation on Christmas Day based on a rather unfortunate incident (which can be read in said journal, again, if need for refreshment). It's also here, I started to dissolve the household of my parents, having started by selling my dad's car within the first week of the passing and having continued a bit before Christmas time (though only on the sidelines there) and completely resolved around this time (household objects that is, no furniture - those would come later (my parents had come to quite a collection of various stuff, that's why I needed to dissolve it; partially also 'cause I needed money to support myself as I'm going to explain later on (and, back then that is, 'cause it'd make things easier were I to refit things more to my liking; boy had I been naíve on that one back then :no: )). It was mostly here, though I received more of a 'calm before storm' where I could calm down a bit more and try continue work on some of my (DA-/related) projects at a time (though - also based on the events that are to follow - I wouldn't manage in coming very far, unfortunately :invisible: )
  3. 16th Feb.-31th March - here, the relatively hardest battle for me began: The one for my home and the debts that were still left behind by my parents. And since I was still, but a pupil at the time (yes, I'm explicit about it, 'pupil', not 'student' - even if the latter was more to my preverence, officially, it was still like that) and didn't earn anything worth the trouble (orphan's pension obviously not counting here), my bank was pretty close pulling me in great grief, because of it (since, obviously, if I want to inherit what worths my parents had (and, again, which was partially vital to financially back me up, even with said debts), I would have to deal with their debts as well on this). It was only with the help of my neighbor - who had some connections within the same bank - that catastrophe on me could be prevented... but with a price. As I was forced to learn, said bank actually intented in setting me out of the contract of my parents for a small-packed price for the house and kick me out; however, since the debts still had been greater than the price I had received, they actually would have left me with said debts which, in return, would have left my live as good as ruined from then on had said neighbor not interfened. With his help, however, I could sell the house on a short notice towards someone I trust before they could pull their strings (though, given circumstances, I wasn't given any more time, hence having had to do so that way then) and still gain something out of it while covering up for all debts at the same time. However, that'd still leave me being forced having to move out eventually...
    It was also here, I'd slowly, but definitely start going to school, again, after having called in sick up to Mid-February in order to properly cover up for everything else, culminating in a 4-day trip to Barcelona around Easter, 2 weeks before I had to move out. Regarding that, I'd then try everything to prevent that from taking place out of an emotional fit, but was eventually forced to relent... what leads us to
  4. 1st April-31th May - having to move out of my home on the 1st - the 2nd most devastating event I ever had to endure aside of the passing of my parent(s). Even if things had looked anything, but lightly the last years, still, it had been a good home - for which my parents had given everything when it comes to building and adding in new things, only for me not being able in keeping up their legacy up for a bit longer before potentially moving on under my own conditions. With my 2 cats in the row at first (before passing them on to a cat-shelter until recently, since my grandparents' home would not be fit for home (neither the enviromnent, nor the persons living inside it)), I'd seek out shelter at my grandparents' home (my grandfather lying in hospital at the time). At first quite emotionally shaken, again, because of, I was quickly forced to get over myself, again, since school - having called in sick most of the time and having barely been attentive until shortly before Easter at best (mostly for the Barcelona trip, though) - would now demand of me to ensure all tests I missed to redo in order to receive my passing-grade. It was only on the circumstance of, again, having redone this year, that I could pull of staying away for so long and still keep up with the curriculum and redo my tests without too much problems - effectively marking my graduation as outstanding on the account of having done so within the course of roughly 3 months.
  5. 1st June-30th Aug. - within the beginning of June, I'd then write my final exams which, later on, would turn out in having passed them, thus putting an end to a long-time school career I've been undergoing for far longer than normally ought to (which means that, normally, wouldn't I have stretched out things here and then, I'd have been done with said school career by at least 2 years now; add in events further in the past (for which, however, I'm not to blame for directly in a way, that's a different story to be potentially told at some point later on... or not), we come somewhere around 6). However, since - because of said long-lasting school career - I never took on vocational training, it was around this time I was forced to sent out applications en mas at this late state (since matters beforehand would emotionally and otherwise prevent me from doing so earlier) in hopes of either being accepted in a random university or to take on said vocational training afterwards. At the same time, the condition behind my grandfather would severely degenerate, almost pulling me and my grandmother in financial turmoil because of it (in my case, based on the same still existing reasons as above and my grandmother, 'cause she's but a simple housewive having never really worked and thus, her pension, naturally not being very high). It was at end of July, he then eventually succumbed to his struggles as may still been kept in mind by my 'til then never replaced journal informing about said passing. In that case, it was guilty pleasure, for one hand, we're still shaken by his loss at the time (even if less than my father for various reasons) while on the other, his death would save us all the grief, his condition otherwise would have caused us. Still, because, again, my grandmother was not physically able to (and because the rest of our relatives didn't give a damn about, again (though, in his case, for more understandable reasons, for my grandfather definitely was not a saint, but still...), I was then, again, forced in having to organize his funeral in return which btw. had taken place at the same cemetary my parents happen to lie in (just not in the same grave obviously). Lastly, while my applications would lead to nothing, it was within one fateful meeting with a former internship-master I once had to go through an internship as part of my recently finished school-education that he'd - while not granting me vocational-training - at least offer me a side job within his office I'd gladly accept and still roll by to this day.
  6. 1st September-present - well, admittably, there's nothing much to say about this short time span, since I'm going to talk a bit about my current stand shortly on anyway. The only mentionable events outside of what's to come either way would be that I'd run some job interviews/tests for next year (since this year won't definitely hire new apprentices, obviously) which, however, haven't lead to any positive results yet and that at some point in September, my car's been broken into, leading to the theft of some, fortunately, rather worthless nick-nags in the long run as well as 2 accidents caused by other cars (though, admittably, they took place a bit on the sidelines earlier, it was only this late, I'd finally receive their money to cover up for the damages, that's why I only mention these this late now).


And that covers up for a good deal how things have been developing since the very first day onward as well as explain how I was mostly left unable to return attention towards anything DA-/project-related, for - I hopeful understandably - there have simply been far more urgent matters been in need for attention so far and partially are still in need for ahead....

... which I'm going to cover up in a 2nd part, seeing how long this managed to get, again (originally, I wanted to only write two parts on this, but well, looks like I'll have to go for three then, I guess...)


  • Listening to: Vorador's Mansion - Legacy of Kain Defiance
  • Reading: /
  • Watching: Definitely not Zootopia (tries to looks innocent)
  • Playing: /
  • Eating: /
  • Drinking: Developed a Fanta fetish as of lately XD
This time, it's my grandfather; though in that case, unlike my father, this one has been predicted since having been delievered earlier in hospital this time around. And unlike with my father, I'm not as much shaken for various I wish not to address as for now until later on.

Since my grandmother's disability in mobility and lack of interest of my grandfather's 2nd (not blood-related) son, it thus falls upon me, yet AGAIN, to take care of all matters at hint which, regarding my resolve for DA-stuff, has to be pushed over once more - at least a week - 'til everything's taken care of; even if I can say this time around that I'm not at fault in this this time around.

So, my family continues to cripple down - first my mother, then my father, now my grandfather - even if the relationship hasn't been best with him, hence me not as shaken this time around and, if so, only for my grandmother's sake right now.

Aside of my few relatives in Italy (whose relationship happens to be strained since my father's death and which I consider rather nonexistent these days) and near Czech border, for which goes the same, all I have truly left now is my grandmother and my (former) neighbor as best friend of family - once they are gone I truly happen to be all alone then.

Sorry for circumstances not being the best all this time; I really must wonder now how long this has to go on, 'til things finally will calm down, again.

As for me, I internally can only scream: SHIT! :rage:

----

Well, see you around then, I guess... :(
  • Listening to: Try Everything - Zootopia
  • Reading: /
  • Watching: Zootopia (definitely going for round 3 soon)
  • Playing: /
  • Eating: /
  • Drinking: Water (damn heat these days ^^; )